The Ying and Yang of it All……

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I am sensing a Thinning of the Veil in the sense that I am truly affirming and believing in the person I have grown to be.  I  sense a real love affair happening with me and myself, and I am hearing from God that I need to shed the negativity and heartache in my life.  I need to take my vitamins.  I need to do yoga.  These are all things we can and should do if we want to stay healthy: mind, body and soul.

I find myself having an absolute assurance that if I speak my peace and create my boundaries, like, as of this minute-well then, there’s no time like the present.  I have said this before and I’ll say it again:  I loved my life and I would do it all over again, of course, with greater wisdom, compassion and strength.  Through the heartache, tragedy and darkness of my soul~He held me, soothed me and  protected me through it.

Each fresh complication, illness or financial disaster we have faced, we see His provision; steady and loyal and true~oh so true.  He is LOVE and he wants us to be happy.  He wants us to live lives of joy-but the duality of God answering our most heartfelt prayers, and the principle fact that we have FREEDOM, well, that complicates things.  We have all of the freedom in the world, to make the right and wrong decisions.   We are free will entities.  If you have any doubts, ask Jesus, but you need to ASK…..and I promise you, you will see His gracious work in your life.

Another point I would like to make is this:  often we are afraid to even ask God for anything.  Did you know that He knows the hairs on your heads?  And do you know what His followers have in their hearts and minds and souls at ALL times?…it’s called the Holy Spirit.  We listen to the whispers, but first we must get quiet.  We must listen to what Spirit is trying to tell us.  The veil is so thin that you automatically, deep down in the pit of your gut know that what doesn’t serve you has got to go.  You see, it comes down to finally realizing your self-worth, and the ensuing rules, boundaries and all crap I refuse to take for one more second, especially one-way relationships.  Friends, mostly-but there are many, infinite ways we can feel an imbalance in our lives….it means there’s too much of one thing, and too little of another thing. And imbalance in our relationships causes imbalances in our lives.

In just this 24 hours alone, I have pretty much staked my claim in this world.  Spoke my peace, realized what must go and what can tag along.  I am finished with one way friendships.  If your relationship isn’t a two way street?  I say, “Get off at the next possible ramp.”  I am not speaking of Christian empathy, of which I feel I will always have.  I have finally learned that you can love people from afar, pray them well-but you absolutely, not in any universe have to put up with one sided friendships or manipulations.  I am cutting that out of my life as well as telling the universe that I deserve respect, thoughtfulness and love in my life.  I will no longer be made to feel guilt for my feelings, my thoughts or opinions.  I will not be incessantly critiqued, questioned or doubted.  If I say something is  true, you can bet your sweet ass that I am telling my truth.  How dare anyone try to tell another soul how to feel?

I have been an anxious mess for way too long to stand in that sandbox anymore.  From now on, I force nothing, consult with the heavenly realms and my main man Jesus, and do what I want, when I want to do it.  If I say, for instance, that I am “taking a nap,” please do not huff and puff and blow the house down.  When I drank?  I slept until noon, sometimes 1 in the afternoon.  It only got worse in my recovery-left over depression and grief after holding in or running away from raw, gnawing grief.  (It all comes back to you, you know.) I get my ass up at 6:30 a.m. these days.  I have a million things to do, a million.  But I must stop and live…with the childlike wonder He has given us!  Do yourself a favor and practice Kundalini as often as you can.  Don’t hold on to all of that venom, forgive and move on.  Learn to let go.

And as for me?  I have given enough, but too much to the wrong people.  If you aren’t part of my tribe, I HAVE to lose your vibe…..sorry, life is too short.  And I am out of carrots.  I am out of sticks.  I am out of panty liners, but…………..I promise you I’ll never blog about it.

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