The Rabbit Hole

wonderlandcatgfairy002_vectorizedbMarch 15, 2017

Yesterday was a train wreck……of massive proportions.  Still recovering from a cold, I was unable to accomplish much-and the fatigue had its way with my 55 -year old body, that and my nerves.  I was in bed at 4 pm, and after lying around the day of the blizzard, my restless leg syndrome had kept me up all night; I can handle having a broken bone, the flu, PTSD  among a few (cringe) but a bad case of the jimmy legs can send my husband and I into the Insomnia Zone, which makes us bitchy and prone to fighting over blankets, the cats, the fan, and even if we are or are not going to spoon.  Please, I cringed when he touched anywhere beneath my waste.  My husband gives amazing back and body massages. I would have been in heaven if I hadn’t been in hell.

Alas, being awake, I tossed and turned, unable to get a few things off of my mind.  Tomorrow’s blog will concentrate more on scripture and how God led me each step of the way.  But tonight I want to talk about my anger and disappointment at the “professional therapists” out there advising those of us who suffer from mental health issues on how to “heal,” mentally, physically and spiritually.  It boils my blood when I think of not only my Reiki Master, but my therapist’s contribution to a basic near mental health breakdown, all in the name of “growing in truth and spirituality” without first: ensuring that the proper research is done before advising very vulnerable and sensitive people, who are hanging in the balance; in an effort to somehow, after possibly years of unsuccessful therapies, ease their perpetual pain. Yes, I am speaking of myself, but you see where I am going with this.

It frightens me that there are young and older adults alike being harmed by methods or “healings” that have  not been thoroughly investigated.  How would you feel if you or your child were harmed due to the ignorance or research of social workers and reiki masters who are, more times than not, dealing with clients who have searched their entire life for peace.  Mental Illness in its many forms is the most misdiagnosed and misunderstood (especially on the part of the patients ) who have been given conflicting information, even diagnoses in their search for answers to haunting, disturbing questions we tossed about our entire lives.  We need to start being or own advocates and standing up for our rights in this community-or we’ll fall for anything.

I have not only wasted my time over the past year and a half, but I have set my progress on this journey back a peg or two.  I’ll share this little ditty that occurred in my then therapist’s office in January.  I was sitting on the couch and I asked her why she had advised me (strongly suggested) to go back to reiki treatments months before.  I took her advice seriously, and I suppose hindsight is twenty-twenty, but I had assumed she knew enough about PTSD and crippling anxiety to lead me in the right direction.

“Oh, because you said it had helped you before.”

And she will never learn how that advice sent me deeper into the depths of depression, rage and the verge of a mental breakdown.  I will never, ever seek the help of any therapist or spiritual healer again.  All of the rituals, cleansings and fear-fear that I would say something negative and be banished to the Horrible Life Kingdom-looking up the meaning of every stinking bird, bug or animal I came across for almost two years.  MASSIVE waste of time and energy.  All of that mess when Jesus was standing right beside me, with open arms as He always, always had been for me.  He is in charge of my life, period.  No amount of meditating, chakra healing or sage cleansing is going to change that fact-not for one millisecond.

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