I just came out of a two day depression that had me in bed, shut down and emotionally drained. Everything I thought I knew about my sister, the good, bad and the ugly-was brought home in an email that sent my heart into a tailspin. I hadn’t any idea of how sick she truly was, and now that I have been “enlightened” I found it necessary to cancel the plans for our part in the family vacation. I couldn’t put my brother or my nieces and nephew through any more pain or tension-they have been through enough.
Sadly, as my sister admitted, she had kept my nieces (my Godchild) and nephew away from me for ten years. For you to understand the toxicity of a narcissist in your life, you need to know that she and her family live 45 minutes away. She methodically and systematically ruined each and every attempt that my husband and I made to see the children that meant the world to my heart, and I am sure that she has turned them against me-how else could she explain her behavior? She has to make me the bat shit crazy person, think about it:
“Aunt Michele is an addict. Aunt Michele is a cruel and demonic entity. Aunt Michele is sick, honey. Aunt Michele didn’t want to go on vacation……”
I once asked my therapist this question: Do you think she will turn the children against me?” Her response: “She already has.” I cannot and will not feel sorry for myself. I am going to beat this CPTSD (complicated post traumatic stress disorder) for my sanity, for my marriage and because of the faith that I have in God.
I looked so forward to my first family vacation ever. I imagined the kids (now grown but delightful and disarming, they hold my heart and always will. They are my beloveds) and I swimming, hiking and playing charades; long walks and girl talk. The get away is planned for July 29th, and I have already packed (and unpacked) my suitcase. I bought outfits and jewelry, fantasized about the pleasure of spending a whole WEEK with my blood. I was over the moon ecstatic.
I know that Sarah did not want me on this vacation. My brother gave me the information in March, she had not said word one to me about the plans or destination. Shortly after she found out about our plans, she set to breaking me down, “putting me in my place,” and terrifying the bejeepers out of me with her last email in which she turned everything around on me. I have never, ever intentionally hurt her in any way, shape or form. I was good enough to take care of her and Emily (her first child) for a week. The second and third pregnancy were no different. But I am not dealing with a sane personality here. To have been made to think that I am the sick sister, and her proclivity to tell anyone and everyone she knows just how “sick” I am? Well, it’s only sinking in now. I am enraged, broken hearted and the very worst part is, I have no desire to go into any details with any one, not even my brother or husband: I have a deep seated fear that they won’t believe me, so why should I bother?
My poor husband and brother have been on the phone trying to come up with a solution. My brother suggested a conference call, when he arrives here for a concert he is doing in Philadelphia. I don’t even want to go there in my head, what a train wreck that would be~ No, I will remain diligent in my avoidance of her. At the age of 56, I have no intention of allowing her to harm, invalidate or gas light me. I know the truth now.
Of course, I will attend his concert. Am I prepared for the imminent run-in with the Anti-Christ? Hells bells no. So say a prayer for me, I have two days to prepare, and I have nothing.