Waking Up……………..

I love this artist.  Fact is, I just heard her for the first time five minutes ago on WXPN’s World Café Live, where I find all of my music and have since my first XPN concert, which featured my brother’s band Huffamoose.  This tune sings me a sweet song, and brings me back to much simpler days-or were they?

My brother and I have a complex, but loving relationship.  I have spoken, ad nauseum, about my troubled family, but I just can’t seem to divulge any secrets or hidden agendas.  I don’t want to hurt my blood, but I have awoken-and I realize just how naïve and haunted I have been.  I am not feeling sorry for myself, what is the point?  I went through some heavy grief in May and June-finally seeing things for what they were-soul murder and heart rape at the hands of a sister that was supposed to love me as much as I loved her.  I confided everything, everything to her and she used my pain to delve deeply into my psyche and wreak havoc at every turn.  She knew she was dealing with a very traumatized, freshly sober sibling, but it mattered not to her.  She caused my pain, damnit, and she alone is responsible for the slaughter of my family.  She may as well have murdered us, that is how deep the wounds are.  I abhor the air she breathes, and if I had my druthers I would completely and forever forget about her.  She is nothing, less than dog shit on my shoes-and I pray she gets what’s coming to her. 

One day, we know not when, Abba will right the wrongs.  He will obliterate our pain and reward us for our suffering.  I never thought it possible to feel this way about another human being, let alone a sibling-but the Karma bus drives itself, and for that I am incredibly grateful.


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