This is the Weeping Song…..

I was standing in the kitchen last night, eager for my weekend with my baby, in a great mood-until I saw the look on his face.

“Honey, I was going to wait until the weekend……but you need to know.”

Sweet and merciful Jesus, what fresh hell awaits me?  I hate the look he gets when he knows it’s going to hurt me, when he knows my pain will be fresh, and I have to rip the scabs off of old wounds. 

“Your brother and your niece text me earlier in the week, from Lake George.”

Okay, why?  I mentioned before that I knew my family was reading my blogs.  I had blocked everyone from Facebook but my nieces, and perhaps I was naïve in thinking that they would leave me my writing, after taking everything else.  I was wrong, oh so wrong.

He told me a blog I had written earlier in the week had hurt the girls, my nieces.  I could not fathom why they put my husband in the middle.  He has gone through enough and ENOUGH I SAY.  I immediately wrote to my eldest niece, who did not message me back.  I told her I was sorry she was hurt, that it was far from my intention, that I loved her more than words can say.  And then, later in the evening, I awoke-from a nightmare-and ran down to my lap top.  No returned message.  No text or phone call.

Sleepily, I opened my Facebook account and severed the last ties I had to my sister’s side of the family.  I cannot be kept from writing, it is how I process the disturbing reality that my very own blood has turned against me.  Never thinking that the flying monkeys would come in such precious packages, I looked back on the years and years of banishment from the kingdom.  Never a call, a text, a card, a gift…….and then it hit me-they have been lost to me for years, only now I can let go.

I will save the weeping for later, but for now I will write.

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