It takes two to tango……..this song was running through my head this morning, as I slipped and slid through my morning hike. The fallen leaves, combined with the morning rain, had made the bridges treacherous, and my golden retriever waited with great anticipation-if not impatience, as I crawled along at a snail’s pace.
Jesse sees something, immediately slows down, turns around to look at me. So accustomed to being alone at this early hour, I never considered his eyes were on a human being. Finding myself at the slipperiest slope, wet rocks crowding the trail, I look up: there is indeed a man at the top of the hill. I cannot see his hair, but I do see his metal detector. I stop dead in my tracks. Put down my back pack, and get out my mace. I remember, instantly, that the man who stalked me whilst half naked last Summer had one, and that the cops told me that this was against the law at MiddleCreek. I thought, ‘OK, here’s where I faint, fall apart, run…….’ But the real shocker was this: I had no fear.
I had just fallen, whilst trying to pee in the woods. It surprised me how many leaves one can pull out of their naked ass cheeks, but they kept coming, my dog mildly alarmed, came over to aid in my getting it together, so I wasn’t operating at my full potential. I decided to walk right up to him, hiding my mace in my pocket. If he had red hair (as my stalker did) I would shoot him straight in the face….if not? I would tell him that he was breaking the law.
Finally able to see the man had dark brown locks, I stepped up to the plate.
“Excuse me sir, but watch yourself, those are illegal in this park,” I gently roared.
He reaches in his pocket. I reach into mine.
“No Englais, por favor.”
With that he pulls out his treasure of the day. One shell casing and two pennies.
I need to get a day job.