I spend so much time here, complaining or ranting….my Irish temper gets the best of me, and hormones combined with my Lyme and depression-I literally pity the fool who messes with me on these rare days. I’d like to change the direction of the narrative, a shift in thinking for my readers-I am afraid I am giving you the impression of a bitter, mad woman-raging at the world, narcissists and evil doings of those I never suspected would betray me. That is only a small part of the person I am, and I’d like to balance the scales, if you will.
Firstly, I give God all of the glory when it comes to any achievement, as I know that I could not have achieved it had I not had the strength given. I know, and have known for years that I have an incredible life. In my younger years, I had to have everything perfect, OCD and, I think, the need to be in control of everything. Abuse survivors are known to develop anorexia, because they can control what they eat, and in type A personalities this means everything. Our lives have dealt us a one two punch, so to speak. We need to feel safe, we crave solitude, we love our own company.
I live in a quaint, small historical town-Kleinfeltersville, Pennsylvania. I moved here from the Philadelphia area in 1989-when I first saw this piece of land, I cried. The pond, well, it sent shivers down my spine as I love any body of water-the living waters call to me. A big, beautiful red barn, acres of pine trees and the view of the Blue Mountains surrounding us, on clear days.
I am so incredibly thankful for my life, as it is now. God works the most intricate of tapestries into our story, and often, when we face affliction? On the other side of that desolation is a better life for you, and he intends to bring us closer-I am quite thankful for my health, and give it my best shot at eating the right foods-no preservatives, GMOs or sugar-but I am thrilled to say that I eat brownies and ice cream. In bed. Every night.
In Spring I am deeply involved in our gardens. One for wildflowers, one for veggies, and a rose garden….actually, I am up to my eye teeth in gardens because my husband hates to mow 8 acres of land. He has put in food plots for the deer, orchards of pears and apples, and every year he thinks he’s going to give me a new garden, to lessen his tractor time.
Things are better in Spring, aren’t they? You begin to come out of your cocoon, and back to your relationships and social life..slowly, but with anticipation of the future. And we all know that those of us who suffer depression don’t think we have a future.
I love cinnamon on the stove, and baby lights adorn much of my living quarters. I have a primitive home with beams, which are hung with flowers I have dried over the years. Each arrangement is different, and I also weave antique baskets into the mix, creating a very cozy and life affirming atmosphere. I am a birdwatcher, and just the sight of a yellow finch and I am getting out my camera. I love to bake, putter around the house, and paint, every ten years. I am currently steeling myself for the entire downstairs and walk in closet.
Each day I start out with my beloved Jesse, golden retriever extraordinaire-we have coffee, then set out on new adventures amongst the forests and mountains surrounding us. He is a therapy dog, and everywhere I go-he goes, for the most part. He gives me his undivided attention and unmitigated love each and every day. If I am not well, he won’t leave my bedroom, even to go potty. I love to make vintage vases, I find in my 100 year old dump at the back of the farm. I paint the glass, after sterilization and use different techniques. I then adorn them with old pearls, antique lace and other old things, and give them as gifts to friends.
Having faced some pretty crappy circumstances, I find that each and every time
I go through a deep valley, I am better for it afterward. Inevitably, the blessings are far more than enough-He knows our needs, and he hears each and every prayer.
The bible says that the MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH. That used to frighten me, as I have been anything but meek in my lifetime. But now I believe that the meek include those who are content with what God has given. They have been carrying their crosses for eons, yet they never complain. They give things over to God, especially any kind of retribution. They have genuine love in their hearts, and want the best for others. They answer to one man and one man only, Abba. And they have the faith to move mountains.
I heart my life. Thank you Jesus. From the bottom of my heart~