Awhile ago, maybe six or so months-I prayed to God for an expansion of my awareness, a ripping of the veil, if you will. My experience two years ago, culminating in a devastating loss, was nothing short of having a sixth sense. I took pictures of angels in my back yard, on a dreary, foggy day. As I sat at my pc, writing, the Holy Spirit urged me to stop what I was doing, grab my zoom lens, and snap a picture-directly into a heavy mist.
I didn’t question it. I took the camera, lifted it to my eye, and promptly had a near heart attack. White Crosses. A dozen of them. I took the camera away, saw nothing. The magic happened when I saw the footage-angels, in my estimation. God was signaling to me that although I was in the New Age, getting Reiki treatments, and burning sage while uttering a prayer so evil I could only find part of the Latin translation on the internet-He was protecting and loving me right then and there. I had no idea at the time that the origins of angel and tarot cards, angel readings, crystals, totems, mediations, yoga, sage burning and the third eye? It comes from the occult, and it’s easier than you may think to allow demons into your life, home and relationships. Turns out, after my stalking experience, I ran to my Reiki friend, who very lovingly prayed it over me in my hysteria.
It was so beautiful in Latin, and I asked for its meaning, but Lila didn’t know. She learned it from a fellow Master.
It took me months to forget this mantra, so I won’t go looking for it. I searched the internet for days, finding nothing but the (I kid you not) score from Damien. Another story for some other time, back to my blog.
Around the time of the angel sightings, I began experiencing a thinning veil, an eye for another realm so to speak. Synchronicities, premonitions, impossibilities. A knowing that I simply can’t put into words.
All of these things were happening as my relationship with my sister began to spontaneously combust. Reeling from that alone, I was later blindsided by her systematic destruction of my relationship with my niece, Godchild and nephew. And when that wasn’t enough? She took my brother as well. Gut-wrenching melodrama was the theme of that Summer. I relapsed.
I am sitting at my perch, at the end of our couch-a few moments ago. Did you get that text from Craig (my brother) today? I think that one of your aunts died.
Stunned, I said: “I only have one aunt.”
My Aunt Irene is now in Heaven, with her beloved husband who passed just months ago. They say it was her heart, which was shattered by the death of my Uncle Bill, I am certain.
The tears didn’t come at first, which didn’t surprise me-I had only met the woman a handful of times. Same with my cousins, same with Uncle Bill. You see, my dad and his brother were estranged-Bill was a born again Baptist, dad was an alcoholic agnostic. I remember every year at Christmas, Bill would send my dad Baptist Digest. It always stung a bit, when the magazine hit the bottom of the trash can. I didn’t, no, couldn’t understand why my dad didn’t spend more time with his family, even if they lived in upstate New York.
You see, it takes an orphan to see what family truly means. And from where I stand? Family is everything. It is my opinion that we become who raises us, whether we fight it or not-the cycle of abuse is the hardest one to break. I don’t judge my sister, and I have forgiven her-she did not choose her childhood, and I think she bore the weight of the dysfunction. I know that she loves me, and I know that she hates me. I also know that I am not yet strong enough to reach out, but pray each and every day that God provides a way for us to coexist-without it costing my mental and physical health. I learned that lesson with the loss of what is hopefully the last toxic relationship with the worst narcissist I have ever had the displeasure of knowing.
In the name of Jesus I break the Spirit of Jezebel that erodes familial love. The slithery, dangerous one shall not prosper here. Drink the blood of Jesus, Jezebel.
My heart reaches out to all of you who know this pain. We are not an exclusive group, the victims of Narcissistic Abuse. The crowd is growing, and we have so many excellent resources to choose from. Below is one of my favorite videos about family relationships. Angie Atkinson is wonderful, accessible on YouTube and she maintains multiple support groups. The point is: don’t try to do this alone, remember that even when your family hates you there will always be a bond through God and blood. They love you, but in their own way. It’s up to you to decide who you can and cannot live without. God works miracles in our lives, each and every day. Don’t give up hope-not a good place to be. I take things one day at a time, and reflecting on how incredible my life has become since my rebirth? I know that the Alpha and the Omega, who created Heaven and flat earth, 🙂 He has my back, always.
The best we can do is put it in our Abba’s sturdy hands-and know that he answers each and every one of your prayers; in a way that will enrich and embolden you. He will prosper you in all of your ways, just go to Him. He’s within you, beside you, and best of all? For you.