We Pay Our Debt Sometimes

Somewhere between a great morning hike and a shower, I lost my will to go on.  I won’t pretend I’m kidding, because the fact is, I’m not.  I thought of turning the jeep on in the garage, then numbly walked through the house, a broken toy of a woman.

I couldn’t feel, I wouldn’t feel.  As if hit by lightning, I lost all reason to continue my stay here on planet earth.  I took my case to God, and He answered with what I understood to be a Shhush.

“Hush, now.”

Perhaps the days of caring far too much have tipped the scale, and now I feel too little.

After a hot shower, and my mary jane-nothing.

If I am at the bottom of the abyss, it feels oddly comforting-submerged in the ocean of want-I am free floating.  I remember the days in my father’s pool, how dipping under the water was the ultimate escape.  No one can hurt you there.  You are surrounded by a peace that is deafening.  I hated coming up for air.

Kind of like Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate, my all time favorite flick.

What I wouldn’t do for that cement pond, and the family that appeared to go with it.

Growing pains, that’s all.

For when I am weak, then am I strong.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.