I know this is going to make me sound like a cranky old cat lady, but do I give a flying fig that Simon Cowell was in a bad mood last night? That would be a resounding NO. Because the television is my husband’s blanky, I am subject to the most inane bullshit this side of the Pacos. But that drew my attention, and then I’m pissed because Simon made a little girl cry, and holy melodrama batgirl! It is an exhausting process.
What do they do, I wonder, to make it so addictive? I don’t even turn it on during the day, I find it depressing and suffocating in its banality. Then again, give me a good old Hitchcock thriller and a bag of Skinny Girl popcorn (sea salt and lime please) and I’ll sit in front of the boob tube-no pun intended.
I am sharing a blog from the past, and it is my prayer that someone who is truly struggling reads this, and realizes they are not alone. As always, I love you.
I hope you never know the pain of addiction. The terror within, knowing you could lose every person you have ever loved; the fear of life without your drug of choice can be more overwhelming that the addiction itself. Twenty years ago, a reputable (and I lose the term lightly) dentist prescribed me 100 Vicodin, rather than fix a cracked tooth. I had just had my wisdom teeth removed, and I had suffered a dry socket, the pain affected each and every part of my life-I welcomed the relief.
I just watched my beloved Donald J. Trump give a speech for National Prayer Day. If he only knew what those words mean to recovering addicts nationwide-I bowed my head in prayer, and threw up my hands to a savior who changed my life-one day at a time. I don’t think I will ever be able to adequately describe the miracle I am now living; sober, healthy and despite the enemy’s attempts? Holy laughter fills my weary, leery heart.
Alcoholics Anonymous is a façade: an absolutely useless tool for people who are too desperate to question the twelve step program. I had no idea, not a clue, until recently when I found my first three chips-one month, one year, five years. I was cleaning out a drawer, and the spirit within nudged me to look closer.
Do As Thou Wilt
The words surrounded a pyramid. You could have knocked me over with a feather. Was that the reason I watched friends die, divorce, and relapse over and over again? I think so. Satan is the father of ALL lies, and he seeks to destroy you. Our only weapon against him is Jesus, and I hope you never have to test my theory.
I remember being corrected when I gave my testimony in a meeting one evening.
“Don’t say God, just say your ‘higher power,’ it offends people.
That was my last evening in the building. What I endured in those five years of meetings was nothing short of an onslaught of misery. The hits kept coming, until the day I decided that life was too short, my faith too strong.
I didn’t need AA.
It is my prayer that God gives you the strength and the rage to get through recovery, which is a lifelong process. If you are willing to trust in the Prince of Peace? There you will find your freedom from oppression, dependence and the powers that presently rule this earth.