I’m Gonna Kick Tomorrow

 

I love this song, so much so in fact-that I pushed the band’s lead singer off of the stage on my 41st birthday, but not before taking his mic, and belting out this tune.  Sadly, the only words I knew were I’m gonna kick tomorrow…two Grand Marnier and a line of coke later, my husband carried me out of the bar.  Caveman style.

By now, you all know my background.  It should come as no surprise that I have “stories” in my past-but what do we do with these memories?  At first, thinking of anything to do with my partying days was paralyzing.  I cannot stress to you enough that it is a miracle that I am sober today.  The first year brought me to my knees, but it also brought me to Jesus-I have no regrets in some regards.  I regret hurting my loved ones, but I have made my amends.  I don’t beat myself up anymore, as God helped me to let go of the shame, the pain and the blame game.  However, I take very seriously the plight of the sober, those who aren’t yet but desperately want to be sober, and those who don’t think it necessary to get sober.

Saturday, I ran into a man who used to party in my circle of “acquaintances.”  I recognized him, but when I say he looked like something the cat dragged in, I am seriously understating the facts.  Sweet mother Mary and all the Latter Day Saints-I truly felt horrible for him.  He was drunk, and he opened up to me about the death of his brother-who drank himself to death.  He told me Vince was so far gone, that his body exploded in the ER.

His brother, Vince, was instrumental in getting my ass straightened out for good.  He helped friends of mine, who he had admitted to the Caron Foundation (local rehab to the stars) in the middle of the evening.  He would have given the shirt off his back, to anyone in need.  He was sassy and bigger than life.  Everyone loved him.  He had a beach house in Rehoboth, and a beautiful cottage here in Lancaster.  He had everything to live for, yes.  But you know what he didn’t have?

The fortitude to face his pain.

That is the blunt truth of addiction.  We run from everything and everyone who ever hurt us, because we are so incredibly sensitive, so buck naked in this world-we cannot bare to face the reason we began running to begin with.

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I had all but given up hope.  I had no faith in myself whatsoever.  I stopped drinking and drugging because I attempted to end my life after an argument with my sister.

You know who didn’t give up on me?  My husband.

I knew of the power in the Almighty, yet I didn’t trust it.

If you want to live a life of wonder, you have to walk through the depths of hell to get there.  I wish I could tell you differently.

Get help.  There is hope.  Trust someone to take your hand and help you, out of the muck and the mire-for good~

 

 

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