Something amazing is happening, and I can’t tell you how much I love my Jesus for orchestrating my life.  A life full of such pain and chaos, that suicidal ideation was almost always in the background.  I was a train wreck, getting sober will do that-the truth will set you free.  But that won’t be until you learn to give your life to God.  Not a higher power, but Jesus our Lord and Savior.

It has been a stormy year:  the loss of a close friend to cancer, the autism diagnoses and various other perceived set backs.  If I change my perspective I see that nothing but good came of my trials.

No pain.  No gain.

The other day I sat, watching the sun dance across my kitten’s creamsicle fur-I was startled out of my meditation when I realized that for the very first time in my life?  I am at peace and have joy in my life.  I am learning to care for and even nurture my body.  After years of anorexia, I eat normally and look forward to each and every meal.  Especially dessert.  I actually went ten years without eating even a piece of chocolate.  Now I eat brownies and dark chocolate in bed, while watching the Young and Restless.

I feel no shame.  I stood up to my mother in law.  I told her if she didn’t stop putting her son in the middle of our wretched relationship?  That we would have no recourse but to move, and preferably to another state.  Been wanting to retire in the Adirondacks, no probs.  I told her that this year the holidays would be spent in my home, with my “family.”

You’re more than welcome to come.

This after her telling my husband that she was on her death bed (umm, she was standing outside talking to him) and that she couldn’t get better until she straightened things out with me.

Not today, Jezebel.  Not today.

I say good day to my enemies.  I wish them no harm.

I just want peace, the kind that blows your mind.


2 thoughts on “Luminaries

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