In my darkest hour, God sends me to a blogger who gets it-the dehumanizing, the self hatred, the pain.
I want to be honest with you guys, I still have feelings of hatred towards the narcissists that have made my life miserable. It’s not always there but sometimes a sudden flashback, a situation, a realization comes and I can feel it – this visceral “I hope you die the most miserable death” hatred.
I have been trying to figure out why it’s still happening. This hatred is obviously strongest towards my mother. But a thought of any of the narcs (and their enablers) that I had to deal with can bring this hatred up.
I have been trying to figure out why I still cannot be complete zen about them. Why I still feel they can emotionally affect me, after all the self-work that I have done.
Hatred certainly, in my case, is broken, humiliated, trashed and betrayed love. I can’t even describe how it makes me…
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