Hatred and helplessness during recovery from narcissistic abuse

In my darkest hour, God sends me to a blogger who gets it-the dehumanizing, the self hatred, the pain.

Tereza's Health Blog

I want to be honest with you guys, I still have feelings of hatred towards the narcissists that have made my life miserable. It’s not always there but sometimes a sudden flashback, a situation, a realization comes and I can feel it – this visceral “I hope you die the most miserable death” hatred.

I have been trying to figure out why it’s still happening. This hatred is obviously strongest towards my mother. But a thought of any of the narcs (and their enablers) that I had to deal with can bring this hatred up.

I have been trying to figure out why I still cannot be complete zen about them. Why I still feel they can emotionally affect me, after all the self-work that I have done.

Humiliated love

Hatred certainly, in my case, is broken, humiliated, trashed and betrayed love. I can’t even describe how it makes me…

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3 thoughts on “Hatred and helplessness during recovery from narcissistic abuse

  1. I am currently recovering from narcissistic abuse and have a couple posts about it as well. It’s hard! Thank you for being open and honest. My abuser was also my mother but also several “friends” because we’re drawn to that because of how our mothers groomed us, right? Honestly, therapy and pouring into God’s Word saved me. I cried and prayed and read through the psalms. It still hurts, but I am stronger. I am healthier. My brain works better. I love myself more and therefore can love others better too. I know what to look for in relationships and can pass that on to others. You have the power to do the same. God bless, and thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Amber, I am sorry to write so late-my pc broke down and this is the first opportunity I had to jump on my husband’s work pc. It is hard, and our codependency makes it even harder-I am now down to a very few friends. Walked away from so many toxic people, and yes, it hurts. God bless you angel-baby, we were born for a time such as this!

      Liked by 1 person

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