Sitting here thinking, left to my own devices and dwelling on forgiveness, my family and how much things have and will change for reasons that may surprise you. I was devastated by the loss of my family, but if it weren’t for the broken spell of codependency? I would not be writing, creating, and, quite possibly, breathing. I simply could not be my authentic self and survive their disrespect, hostility, or apathy.
So, now that we got the crappy part out of the way, I was daydreaming about how God picks us up and takes us away: from the pain, the angst and the scary monsters. A year ago today? I was a sniveling coward, awaiting the latest news on the possible Zombie Infiltration. Ok, maybe not zombies, but definitely black eyed children. I was so sure that September 23 would be the return of Jesus, that my poor husband drove all the way home from work just to comfort me. I now know that no man can come close to even guessing at the day of Jesus’ return, and that the idiots who produced the videos were looking for likes, or subscribers. Gawd. How pitiful. But wait? Was I a charity case, or was my brokenness a blessing in disguise? The latter, actually, as it strengthened my faith and made me so much stronger in the process.
The men pictured above, Jesse and my husband Dwain, are the true loves of my life, and I praise God each and every day for their presence in my life. None of this would ever be remotely possible if Yah didn’t give us second chances. And third. And eleventy hundred. I am not admitting to murder, or some other heinous crime-don’t get me wrong: but even if I was? Well, I would have to confess and repent, but yes, there would be forgiveness. People get hung up on the word “repent.” Translated from the Holy Bible, repent means “think anew,” and of course we must change our behavior-actions speak so much louder than words.
When I get angry or hurt by those in my intimate circle, or even colleagues at church or volunteering, what have you-I think of them as broken, and in just as much if not more pain than I could possibly know. I may be estranged from my family, but I forgive them because I love them. I don’t know about liking them at this juncture in our history; but I know they have pain. I know they try their very best, as strange as that may sound. They are loving parents with successful careers-what more could you possibly want? But regardless, I am only too aware that they, too, have moments of despair. My sister’s youngest child is in college, and I can’t imagine the sadness. Of course, she thought I was contagious while going through perimenopause, and not only withheld every iota of compassion-but would not stand close to me at family functions. Yes, this is true. 🙂
Hate your boss? Think of him/her as a young child-it helps with prying the sympathy out of our hardened hearts.
Want to strangle your better half? Think of the last time they touched you in your secret, hidden places, where no one else has the power or accessibility.
The elderly person on the walker, you know, the one who is in front of you when you are going anywhere. You are in a hurry, and bloody hell why is this happening to me? They may not have anyone left to visit them, or possibly dying a slow and painful death. Repent!
The world is out there waiting for us, as they will know we are Christians by our love~