I’m on the Outside…..

Good Wednesday morning to you all.   I was unable to attend church this week, and I was supposed to be working the Welcome Center.  At this moment I am almost hysterical at the idea of being held hostage by a bad knee and a chip on my shoulder.  I keep telling myself that others have it much worse (and they do) I think of the homeless in weather like this.  I almost drove to the city with warm blankets for the plight, but quickly realized that the roads were like ice, and I was left in frustrated despair.  I am left with decisions, so many, do I go to a Specialist?  Shouldn’t I just trust God?  I am not going to ask Why Me? because that is a ridiculous supposition, we all suffer in one way or another, right?

I want to rant and rave.  I want to hide in the fetal position, as I am as afraid as I was as a little girl, terrorized by thunderstorms.  As a sufferer from CPTSD, I do not do well with unanswered questions or the unknown.  I loathe going to the doctor, deplore their inadequacies in diagnosing, well, anything.  I trust that He will heal me, much more than I do the medical profession.  God has never, ever let me down; big Pharma and human physicians have, on more than several occasions.  .

I feel as if I stand outside the window, looking at the healthy and content, as if they have something I desire, something I need.  They look oh so pleased on the outside, and maybe that’s the secret.

I’ll just fake it ’til I make it……I want someone to hold me and tell me it’s going to be okay.  I want, oh how I desire, to be that ten year old child once more.

Fearless

Fear. Gripping, faceless, heart-stopping emotion. Different things frighten different people-but I remember, even as a child-being petrified by everything. I believe the dysfunction stemmed from a childhood in which I was raised by two incredibly anxious parents. As the years went by, I grew more and more fearful. Heights. Highways. Social venues. The straw that broke my back was the stalking I experienced two years ago-I dove into a depression so devastating, I thought for sure I would die of heartache. The world was becoming an increasingly violent place, and I wanted no parts of it, none.

I dove into the Word last Summer. The more I read the scriptures, the deeper my peace became. I began stepping out of my comfort zone: crossed a wooden bridge 800 in the air, over a rolling, rocky river. That was Jesus and to this day, I remember the way in which my terror was transformed within moments. After giving my husband a firm NO WAY, I quietly asked my Abba,

“Give me the strength Father, for Dwain. Let me be brave for my husband.”

Seconds later? I crossed that bridge like a boss, without any trepidation. I walked that rickety death trap twice, as we had to use the bridge to return to our truck, after having visited the other side of the river. One day I will find and share those pictures, as they may inspire hope in fellow Chicken Littles.

I began trusting Jesus for everything. Seemingly overnight, my crippling fear eased into a new normal, of brazen acts and caution, thrown oh so carefully to the wind. I put on the full armor of God. I prayed without ceasing, and failed often and miserably. One day I took notice. I stopped to reflect, to look back and see how incredibly far I’d come-how loved and cared for I had always been. I take it minute by minute, literally. I know the Holy Spirit will lead me to discernment. I force nothing-if it doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t get done.

In days such as these, when courage is required to simply be, it is as simple as calling out His name. I have my bad days, but not for stretches of time, as before. I know what to do, in those darkened hours of grief and angst: he will never desert you, ever.

No matter how hard it is, no matter what the size or magnitude of your pain, reach out to Jesus. He knows each and every hair on your freakishly large head. 🙂

Copperhead Road

This is more than likely the most important blog I will ever write: I have chosen to take the coward’s way out-well, I wouldn’t call myself a coward; let’s just say I like blogging on WordPress, and it’s hard enough to write an article about, well, anything-oh the inhumanity, sticking computer keys and the site going down multiple times as I try to get my point across.

Tomorrow is election day. Tomorrow cannot come soon enough. For those of you in the know, or awake-you know the importance of a Red Wave across this country. And for those of you who may be sitting on a fence or on the left: this article is not meant to insult, condemn or even belittle you. I need you all to know the truth, as the truth will set you free!

We have had no voice, as we (patriots across America, including POTUS) have been avalanched on every side. ABC, FOX, CBS, PBS, NBC and CBS-they are a product of Project Mockingbird. If you watch these news venues, I can 100% guarantee you that you have no idea what the real news is-I only know because of the path God led me down, after a brush with the New Age. Slowly, but oh so steadily the scales were taken off of my eyes. We have been lied to, stolen from, silenced and betrayed on a scale so tremendous that most of us don’t see the forest through the trees. The DEPLORABLES of this awesome nation have had it up to our eye teeth with FAKE NEWS. We know what the CABAL is up to, and it ain’t good. No, it is EVIL of the greatest magnitude.
Below is a video that explains this illegal, deadly and evil process.

Tomorrow, we will be at these polls-across the country Patriots will be monitoring the circumspect behavior; tour groups or random buses pulling into voting booths-we have been alerted to the means and ways of DNC corruption, and we are prepared. I myself will be out and about, have mace-will travel. We need to come TOGETHER, as one nation, and fight the corruption that tried to rob us of our dignity, morals and children in a Sex Trafficking scandal that involves Barry Santoro, HRC, Bill Clinton, Joe Biden and many, many more. The evidence is overwhelming.

Please, do everything you can to get out and vote. As we speak, there are three separate caravans heading to our borders. American troops have been deployed to the border, NOT BECAUSE WE ARE INTOLERANT, RACIST OR UPTIGHT. Absolutely none of that is true for the majority of us. If you want this country to become a corrupt, Socialist, baby killing machine, by all means, vote blue. They want this caravan full of MS13, ISIS, ANTIFA and other terrorist factions here to get the votes from illegals.

Do yourself a favor-take a look at San Francisco–Nancy Pelosi’s territory. She lives in a million dollar mansion-have you seen what they have done to California? Is she or any other democrat with the power to do so cleaning any of this mess up? Of course not, THEY DON’T CARE. They got what they wanted, these people have been used and abused. They were PROMISED the world, and this is what was given to them.

MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN. Take your country back, put God back in business, VOTE RED.

“El Roi”

 

I haven’t written from this perspective often, but there are times when I see the world as a Danger Zone-no one gets in, and I don’t go out.  I push and pull at my heartstrings, praying for peace and guidance from the God who loves me with great abandon, and absolutely unconditionally.  How many of us can say we know unconditional love?  As many as there are children of El Roi, a name given to God by Hagar, a slave-pregnant and running for dear life through the dessert, from an abusive mistress named Sarai.

She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her:  “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”                                                                                                                                                           – Genesis 16:13

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I know, I know.  How in the Harry are we supposed to show love for others, if we can’t begin to imagine loving ourselves?  How many of us feel invisible on a day to day basis, but keep the faith necessary to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are loved by a gracious and forgiving Abba?

Make no mistake-this isn’t easy, nor should it be.  Anything worth having requires hard work, self discipline and a willing heart.  The mainstream media (including newspapers, social media, magazines, plays, movies) wants you downtrodden, unable to face the day for fear of experiencing the black hole that can be our existence.  Those of us with depression and other mental health challenges know this:  days and days can go by without us seeing our peers, our families, our neighbors.  It’s called isolation, and I am the Queen of the disappearance act-when someone has hurt me, I bleed.   My triggers are almost always narcs, who suck the life blood out of me-you see, I have a dirty little secret:  I can’t handle hatred.   And who is better at deeming us unworthy than the Jezebel spirit, hiding in the shadows-ready, willing and quite capable of taking what self esteem we may have had before the surprise attack.

It is always a surprise, because the only way we become victims is by trusting the honeymoon phase-the unadulterated love, worship even.  Our jokes are the funniest, we are the coolest, they can’t live without us…that’s how they suck us in.

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So, how to cope?  It’s easier than you may think.

For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.                                                                                                                -Romans 8:14

We need to remember that this world is ruled by Satan.  He is the father of all lies, especially the ones we tell ourselves.  But we are chosen for a different life, a life in the heavenlies-where there will be no tears, no pain, and a relationship with Christ-by far what I look most forward to experiencing.

You aren’t invisible, because you have been born of the Spirit, no longer do you need to be enslaved to things that don’t really matter.  Knowing we belong to His family helps us to step out of our comfort zones; and frees us from seeking the approval of others.

Once you are free in Christ, you are free indeed.

You Can’t Handle the Truth!!!

 

If you didn’t unsubscribe from my blog, this doesn’t concern you.  If you want to read a scathing reaction to the absolutely incomprehensible stupidity of some people?  Carry on.

I wrote about the SOTU last evening-and each end every time I write about President Donald J. Trump?  I lose subscribers.  Yep, it really is that obvious.  Before I go off on my tangent, this is what I have to say to the sheeple, Socialists, MS13, Black Lives Matter, MeToo movement and the other .245% of the population who a.  doesn’t want the truth, 2.  thinks this is about politics, and c. has no concern for what our country and its precious people have been subjected to over the last fifty some years.

If you don’t care about Satanic Ritual Abuse, Election Fraud, Comet Ping Pong, human trafficking,  or the plight of our every person living in this country who is subjected to radiation poisoning, chemical trails in our skies, or baby fetus particles in our Pepsi? Step.  The.  Fuck.  Off.  I don’t want you anywhere near my writing-trust me!

There are actual demons walking this earth, some are sitting in GITMO, some are in political positions and ALL of them are subsisting on the blood of our children.  Yep, I said it.  Do your homework on SRA, do your own investigating and by the way?  Get used to it, because those of you who are even remotely interested in the truth?  Well, say goodbye to that as well-you won’t get it from the MSM, and by the looks of the increasing numbers of those alternative media sources who are peddling facts?  You won’t have anywhere to go once we are gone.

What the hell is wrong with America?  Let’s start with the cowards who troll decent, hard working, citizen journalists who only want to provide a service and work their behinds off to support the critical direction of this country.

If you’re in denial about any of the above topics, see ya.  Don’t let the door hit you in the behind.  This is not a game, people.  I am absolutely done with fools who live in their own Private Idaho while the rest of us suffer because of their ignorance.

I make no profit, no money actually-for providing a service that is close to God’s heart.

I won’t sugar coat this-heed my warning.

If you are not with us, bloody hell,  you’re against America.

 

,

I’m on the Outside…..

Good Wednesday morning to you all.   I was unable to attend church this week, and I was supposed to be working the Welcome Center.  At this moment I am almost hysterical at the idea of being held hostage by a bad knee and a chip on my shoulder.  I keep telling myself that others have it much worse (and they do) I think of the homeless in weather like this.  I almost drove to the city with warm blankets for the plight, but quickly realized that the roads were like ice, and I was left in frustrated despair.  I am left with decisions, so many, do I go to a Specialist?  Shouldn’t I just trust God?  I am not going to ask Why Me? because that is a ridiculous supposition, we all suffer in one way or another, right?

I want to rant and rave.  I want to hide in the fetal position, as I am as afraid as I was as a little girl, terrorized by thunderstorms.  As a sufferer from CPTSD, I do not do well with unanswered questions or the unknown.  I loathe going to the doctor, deplore their inadequacies in diagnosing, well, anything.  I trust that He will heal me, much more than I do the medical profession.  God has never, ever let me down; big Pharma and human physicians have, on more than several occasions.  .

I feel as if I stand outside the window, looking at the healthy and content, as if they have something I desire, something I need.  They look oh so pleased on the outside, and maybe that’s the secret.

I’ll just fake it ’til I make it……I want someone to hold me and tell me it’s going to be okay.  I want, oh how I desire, to be that ten year old child once more.

The Truth and Nothing But

 

 

TRIGGER ALERT-TRIGGER ALERT-TRIGGER ALERT

Viewing unsuitable for children.

The Duty to Fight for God’s Truth

But you, my dear friends, must remember what the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ predicted.  They told you that in the last times there would be scoffers whose purpose in life is to satisfy their ungodly desires.  These people are the ones who are creating divisions among you.  They follow their natural instincts because they do not have God’s Spirit in them.                                                                       

But you, dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith, pray in the power of the Holy Spirit, and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will bring you eternal life.   In this way, you will keep yourselves safe in God’s love.                                                                         -Jude 2:17-21

 

This writing is a first in a series of the most important work I have ever been called to complete.  I did not want to write this blog.  I prayed for days, studied the Holy bible, and sought God’s word.

After being led by the Holy Spirit to watch this video, (I had never heard of Kim Clemens prior to this week) I took the day to meditate on what it was God was calling me to do.

 

Everyone remembers the day of September 11, 2001.  We all know where we were, who we were with, and what we ate-or didn’t eat that day.  I happened to be upstairs, preparing myself for work.  I was watching the Today show-as Katie Couric’s voice rose, as did my alarm.  And then it happened all over again.  I shouldn’t have even gone in to my waitressing job at Paolo’s Italian Bistro: once there we were not allowed to leave.  If then was now?  There would be a Michele size hole in the plaster, as nothing would keep me from my husband, my dog, my menagerie of cats.  At the time, I was in such shock that I had little voice to protest-I honestly thought it was the end of the world-and it most definitely was, as we knew it anyway.

I find it critical to inform you that this information is true, and I can honestly say I have spent the last two years of my life, researching, and trying my best to follow wherever I am led by God.  What began as a blog geared toward music and recovery, mental health awareness, etc. has become a way of getting the honest truth out into the mainstream-which I might add is extraordinarily hard to find these days.  I pray daily for God’s discernment, as I have yet to convince even one of my two hundred friends on Facebook of anything-in their defense I usually just share videos.  This work is my mission in Christ as I see things-and I want you to know that I understand your skepticism, doubts and flat out rage-as grieved in every way that Elizabet Kugler-Ross described, denial, anger, bartering, despair and finally acceptance and rage.

The reason you are in the dark is as hard to believe as the rest of this; Project Mockingbird is the name of the CIA operation to keep us all brainwashed and in the darkness.  These puppets of the Illuminati will be charged with crimes of treason, and I for one am hopeful that the punishment will fit the crime of keeping all of humanity helpless to do anything-you cannot fight what you do not know.

Please have no fears.  Meditate on what the Holy Spirit is telling you, do your own research and trust in the Lord, with all your heart and mind and soul.