How do we do it, us humans? How do we manage to screw relationships up so badly? Especially those with eternal soul ties, as in siblings and family? Your family should be the most precious thing to you, but sadly this is not the case for far too many.
A prophet is not a prophet in his own town, meaning if we are doing it right? Our families will be at odds with one another. It’s in the Bible, and so is the Jezebel spirit-the most prevalent demon since the dawn of time. Jealousy, projection, rage, hatred, mockery, gaslighting and the list goes on. She is gaining speed as we speak, and woe to the unsuspecting fool who stumbles upon her.
Two years ago, I told my kin not to come to my funeral if she couldn’t be a decent human being while I was on this earth. At the time, I meant every word I said-still do. Twenty four months is a very long time to be without a sister, and even more poignant? I have no contact with my Godchild, nor her brother and sister.
This was her kryptonite, and she used it willingly and with wild abandon. I don’t have the heart nor energy to go into the whole bloody mess of it, and frankly-it is history, I have forgiven, but I will never forget and therein lies the rub.
I wrote to her the other day, and have yet to receive any form of an answer. In certain ways, it is a devastation; in others- a sad relief. I suppose it is God’s way of saying ‘not for you-but that makes it none the easier to give up hope. The hope one has when they love another human being passionately and unconditionally. Foolish, perhaps. Maddening, for certain.
I know she is reading this, she reads every blog.
I want her to know that I am willing to salvage our sisterhood.
I want her to know that it doesn’t matter anymore-the long silences, the unreturned communications, the mean spirited digs and withholding of my blood. She can’t touch my heart in that way because God has strengthened my spirit. It would have to be an honest and open two way street. There will be disagreements, but
She cannot throw the victim card, as I have never done a thing to hurt her. She can’t throw the drinking card, as I am as clean and sober as I ever hoped to be.
She cannot take my heart away because that ship sailed two years ago.
At the end of the day? I will not settle for anything less than complete transparency.
But she should know how much I love her.
I always will.