One of the very best tunes I have heard in some time-this music soothes my soul. I love old things: antiques, vintage clothing, the elderly, and I am reminded of simpler ways, kinder times.
Oh, hold on a second! My husband is lecturing me about my absolute drive to come to the truth about our world, our society, our government.
“I don’t know why you do it to yourself.”
“By the way, Tom Hanks is a pedophile,” I retaliate.
“Tom Hanks is a pedophile?” (giggle, guffaw, belch)
I say this with a lightness in my heart that hasn’t been seen since the day I married my man. I know we are winning the war, the insidious little somethings that gradually grow and eventually manifest into full out plagues. Sex trafficking. ANTIFA. Pedophilia. Corruption. Hellyweird…it’s getting to the point that people are waking up, and it encourages me.
Waking up was a process for me that, had I known what lay ahead? I would have run for the hills.
Ah, Lord, I know I’ve been changed; I said Ah Lord I know I’ve been changed. The angels in Heaven done signed my name-lyrics I relate to, believe me. Here’s a little secret that I have been holding on to, wondering in what manner to bring it up in my writing-the closer you come to Jesus, the more you love Him? Well, the more transformed you become. I knew something was drastically different when I found myself loving my irritating, self righteous neighbor. I am convinced she sells information about us all around this block, if you can call two square miles of countryside a “block.”
Yes, out of the blue, right after I became sober, the Grinch’s heart began to soften. It came as a huge surprise because when I got sober-I got good and pissed. At everything, really-I was a whirling dervish of RAGE and despondence. Grief had crept up from the grave, and I went back and forth between crippling sadness over everyone I have lost thus far-especially my father-and the urge to beat the living crap out of anyone who even looked my way. It’s like someone took you blanky, for crying out loud. EVERTHING bothers you, my husband’s chewing was so irritating to me that I came close to sending him packing. You cannot, and I REPEAT, you can NOT grieve, well, anything or anyone if you are using. And when us addicts have to face pain, what do we do? We medicate as quickly as possible. Here’s something many don’t understand: alcoholics and addicts are extremely compassionate, empathetic and sensitive. I know this for a fact. I also know that I had, out of self preservation, put up an unsightly wall-against others, including myself.
When I was baptized by water last Easter, I wasn’t expecting any change, as I had been baptized as a child. When I was saved, my life began anew-so I recommitted myself on a Sunday, in ice cold water-in front of a full church. I was utterly and completely alone-no husband, family nor friends attended. The air conditioning was on high, and I embarrassed myself by running from the altar, after having my clothing thrown at me by our Worship minister. Not a pretty site. Did I mention I had a sinus infection at the time?
Ah, I have totally veered off of my original point. You will absolutely believe, deep in your soul, that Jesus is in and with you-when your heart begins to soften. You stop thinking that you are any better/worse than the next guy. I repeat that often, I am no better nor worse than my brothers and sisters. You begin to put others first, and might even find yourself wanting to help others every chance you get-and it feels good and right and perfect. The rage diminishes. The cravings vanish. Jesus sought after you, and you allowed Him into your very being.
So, if you think you’re turning soft, or that the hormones are raging-just call out to Jesus-then you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He will answer~