Sooner or Later…

 

I adored this man, and here’s why:  not only is he the voice of a bygone generation, but Johnny had demons, just like you and me.  It is truly our choice, God gave us free will-we can either be the light, or join the bottom dwellers in their plight to destroy everything good and decent in our lives.

My sibling took everything she could from me-then took some more.  She put me through hell, and in return I loved her with my heart and soul.  She had her day in the limelight, sure.  She had three children and achieved an Associates degree in business.  She had the power in our relationship-I turned to her for everything.  Up until the masked slipped-hell it fell right off of her lovely face.  Little did I know that I would pay dearly-I was the bullseye for 28 years, and I am quite sure that she enjoyed her mission-that is the tragedy of Narcissism.

So, we have established what a narcissist is and does.  Now it’s time to turn the tables: we have the ability to take that power back, but it comes with a price.  The ransom?  My sister used her children like downright puppets-she withheld them from me as a means of discipline-if I didn’t ask how high when she said jump?  I was doomed to a holiday, Summer or even a reneged invitation to Thanksgiving, even Christmas.

All of that pain and heartache are in the past now, and I have learned to celebrate life again.  I now know that even thinking about her or any other member of my dysfunctional family brings not only pain, but self harming and risky behavior.  The lonesome dove can only be shot out of the sky so many times before she learns that it may not be such a great idea, this flying willy nilly.  She learns to alight only where she is loved and appreciated, validated and accepted  for exactly who she is.

I am finally at the point where I have suffered enough.   I am not a martyr or masochist.  I am a loving, faithful and quirky writer who loves nothing more than reaching out to encourage others:   that is what I will do, until I am unable to summon the energy.

Here’s the deal:  once you have “lost” all that you deemed an absolute necessity (healthy people almost always treasure the family God has given them.  Narcs want to punish you for being smarter, more creative and especially that nasty trait of compassion for others.  Here’s the deal, Jezebel, I don’t care….nope, not anymore.  You are probably thinking, ‘if she doesn’t care, why is she writing about it?

I remember my first year of awareness, and I know how crushing it can be.  Yet I am here to tell you that you will heal, that it most certainly does get much better, and that God will not let these vipers go unpunished.  I’ve read some pretty, pretty strong verbiage in the Holy Bible about what happens to these people, and let me tell you-sooner or later He’s gonna cut them down.

Do things for you.  Rewrite your story, make it one in which you are more than a victim.  Your creativity will return in leaps and bounds.  But you must do something first:  let go and let God fill your life with joy and a renewed wonder.  Throw out the things that are no longer necessary:  guilt, shame and victimhood.

I am sitting pretty, and the view from up here is amazing.

Love to you all~

 

Insane Like Me

Narc Abuse…I write about it often, but as it turns out, I am far from the only expert in this cozy little town. As a peace offering, my friend Sheila asked to take me to lunch yesterday: I had a gift for her as well, a gorgeous, porcelain angel who looks down on a mother and her son. Sheila lost her son to a motor cycle accident two years ago; her only child, it has forever changed her direction and focus in this physical realm. I knew this about her, yes. What I didn’t know was the extent of abuse she had experienced as a child-at the hands of an evil and narcissistic mother.

I thought I owned victimhood: as it turns out, Sheila’s story is so much darker and poignant than mine. Her mother beat her father within an inch of his life one Summer afternoon before Justin’s accident. As my friend was dropping by to visit, she walked into a scene so paralyzing, well, I am surprised she had the strength to revisit the pain. Her mother had taken a lipstick and scissor to her own wedding photos, as her father lay in a bruised and broken heap on the floor.

“I am calling for help, daddy,” she screamed, hysterical and in shock.

“IF YOU PICK UP THAT PHONE, I WILL KILL YOUR FATHER.”

Sheila rushed outside, called Crises Intervention, had her mother institutionalized. After ensuring her father was receiving good care at the local VA hospital, she went to sign papers at the psych facility that whisked her mother away, against her will-in the middle of the night, straight jacket et al.

I have known this tender hearted soul for twenty years. She has driven me batshit crazy in seven different languages: with her low self esteem and suffocating neediness. Recently, an argument over something trivial and her psychotic response led me to believe there was no hope, no hope whatsoever for our friendship. God had other plans, and for this I am hesitant, but willing to forge ahead.

You are not alone, you are surrounded by victims of perps that were family-the absolute worst kind of betrayal. You won’t see these people screaming from the rooftops of pain and remorse. No, you will find them loving others, the encouragers and empaths, clinging to Christ-in the churches, schools and hometowns of America. You couldn’t possibly know their stories-how could you?

Love others as you would want to be loved.

Something wicked this way comes.

We need one another, desperately.

An Open Letter to Joe M. @stormisuponus

Awhile back, I lost my cool on a guy on Twitter-Joe M. @thestormisuponus-it was back when Q told us that JFK, Jr. was not alive, after leading us in the direct opposite direction for months. I cried out in rage, almost convinced that QAnon was a Psyop, and that didn’t sit well with my discernment.

Literally two seconds after I left the boards, poor Joe M., in an attempt to console me, said that there is “disinformation on the boards as well.”

My response?

“This is the ULTIMATE betrayal!!!!”

A good shrink I used to see told me that anger is rooted in fear. And when we fear, whom do we go to? That’s right, Jesus.

And so it was, a few hours later, that I walked the trails of a wildlife sanctuary with my golden retriever. I looked up, I looked within, and popped the question.

“Abba, is John F. Kennedy, Jr. alive?”

Now Joe, you don’t know me from squat. You wouldn’t know that I have CPTSD, am a victim of NPD, and have suffered great heartache in my life because the people I treasured betrayed me. They lied to me. They manipulated me. They devastated me. As a result, I trust no man.

However, my friend, I do trust God. And in answer to my question? The Holy Spirit moved me to look down. What I saw was a Tiffany Blue feather, literally shining brightly by the corn stalks. I knew at that moment that John John was alive and well. My gratitude knew no bounds. I was uplifted and inspired-QAnon was no Psyop.

Just like you say, Joe, there must be disinformation-the black hats are watching. But I wanted you to know that I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s show, and between you and me?

I think you’re him.

ThanQ

I woke this morning and turned on my pc. Gravitating towards reading a blog or two, I was stuck on my stats: 3,000 people read my blog entitled, FUQ, and the comment section was a veritable mine field.

I was given love and support, and I also had more than a few trolls (blocked immediately) who cursed me out for being “naïve” enough to believe in the “brainwashing” to begin with. And now, I am at peace in the knowledge that what I am about to say may indeed ruffle even more feathers. So be it.

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As last night unfolded, I sunk into a funk and put my computer away. In the shower, I cried out to God, for wisdom, peace and understanding. I sat and brought out my devotionals; and to His glory? He led me with wisdom and Grace.

The title of the devotion for December 13? Perfect Wisdom. Below, in its entirety, is the entire writing.

The wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight.
-1 Corinthians 3:19 NIV

The world has its own brand of wisdom. Unfortunately, it’s a brand of wisdom that’s often wrong and sometimes dangerous. God, on the other hand, has His own brand of wisdom, and it’s a wisdom that will never lead you astray.

Where will you place your trust today? Will you trust in the wisdom of fallible men and women, or will you place your faith in the wisdom of the infallible, all-knowing, loving God of the universe? How you answer that question will profoundly affect the course of your life.

I did some research on the theory that Q is a Psyop, but quickly realized that every article naysaying the phenomena had either false information or character assassination by proxy.

QAnon is a marvelous tool for research, but there are bad guys on the military channels as well. “Disinformation is necessary” were my three most hated words yesterday. Huber failed to show up at Comey’s testimonial yesterday, but for good reason. It occurred to me that Trump is the ingenious mind behind all of this rhetoric, and I trust him. I truly believe he was anointed for such a time as this. I also know that you can’t let the enemy in on your plan, and I have accepted that fact.

This morning I am trying to apply what I have learned, and that is that God is our source of knowledge, Donald Trump’s presidency is the most transparent of our time-he leads us to Q for that very reason. The infographs are full of the God’s honest truth, and I owe him and the other Anons so much-in terms of waking me up and leading me to be a better Patriot today and in the future: I love my country and its people, I know what I personally need to know.

And so it was that I went to the infinite wisdom of God this morning, as I walked among the creeks and streams.

“Abba, is JFK, Jr. alive?”

What happened next was so surreal, I thought I may be dreaming. On a dark and dreary day, fog so thick you could slice it with a knife, my attention was directed to a Tiffany Blue feather, sparkling in the sun, directly in front of me. That’s right, there was no sun

Go with God for answers. Do your own research. And, as Q would say-think for yourselves.

Because the world is deceptive, it is dangerous. The world can even deceive God’s own people,and lead them to trouble.
– Warren Wiersbe

Insane Like Me

Narc Abuse…I write about it often, but as it turns out, I am far from the only expert in this cozy little town. As a peace offering, my friend Sheila asked to take me to lunch yesterday: I had a gift for her as well, a gorgeous, porcelain angel who looks down on a mother and her son. Sheila lost her son to a motor cycle accident two years ago; her only child, it has forever changed her direction and focus in this physical realm. I knew this about her, yes. What I didn’t know was the extent of abuse she had experienced as a child-at the hands of an evil and narcissistic mother.

I thought I owned victimhood: as it turns out, Sheila’s story is so much darker and poignant than mine. Her mother beat her father within an inch of his life one Summer afternoon before Justin’s accident. As my friend was dropping by to visit, she walked into a scene so paralyzing, well, I am surprised she had the strength to revisit the pain. Her mother had taken a lipstick and scissor to her own wedding photos, as her father lay in a bruised and broken heap on the floor.

“I am calling for help, daddy,” she screamed, hysterical and in shock.

“IF YOU PICK UP THAT PHONE, I WILL KILL YOUR FATHER.”

Sheila rushed outside, called Crises Intervention, had her mother institutionalized. After ensuring her father was receiving good care at the local VA hospital, she went to sign papers at the psych facility that whisked her mother away, against her will-in the middle of the night, straight jacket et al.

I have known this tender hearted soul for twenty years. She has driven me batshit crazy in seven different languages: with her low self esteem and suffocating neediness. Recently, an argument over something trivial and her psychotic response led me to believe there was no hope, no hope whatsoever for our friendship. God had other plans, and for this I am hesitant, but willing to forge ahead.

You are not alone, you are surrounded by victims of perps that were family-the absolute worst kind of betrayal. You won’t see these people screaming from the rooftops of pain and remorse. No, you will find them loving others, the encouragers and empaths, clinging to Christ-in the churches, schools and hometowns of America. You couldn’t possibly know their stories-how could you?

Love others as you would want to be loved.

Something wicked this way comes.

We need one another, desperately.

Sooner or Later…

 

I adored this man, and here’s why:  not only is he the voice of a bygone generation, but Johnny had demons, just like you and me.  It is truly our choice, God gave us free will-we can either be the light, or join the bottom dwellers in their plight to destroy everything good and decent in our lives.

My sibling took everything she could from me-then took some more.  She put me through hell, and in return I loved her with my heart and soul.  She had her day in the limelight, sure.  She had three children and achieved an Associates degree in business.  She had the power in our relationship-I turned to her for everything.  Up until the masked slipped-hell it fell right off of her lovely face.  Little did I know that I would pay dearly-I was the bullseye for 28 years, and I am quite sure that she enjoyed her mission-that is the tragedy of Narcissism.

So, we have established what a narcissist is and does.  Now it’s time to turn the tables: we have the ability to take that power back, but it comes with a price.  The ransom?  My sister used her children like downright puppets-she withheld them from me as a means of discipline-if I didn’t ask how high when she said jump?  I was doomed to a holiday, Summer or even a reneged invitation to Thanksgiving, even Christmas.

All of that pain and heartache are in the past now, and I have learned to celebrate life again.  I now know that even thinking about her or any other member of my dysfunctional family brings not only pain, but self harming and risky behavior.  The lonesome dove can only be shot out of the sky so many times before she learns that it may not be such a great idea, this flying willy nilly.  She learns to alight only where she is loved and appreciated, validated and accepted  for exactly who she is.

I am finally at the point where I have suffered enough.   I am not a martyr or masochist.  I am a loving, faithful and quirky writer who loves nothing more than reaching out to encourage others:   that is what I will do, until I am unable to summon the energy.

Here’s the deal:  once you have “lost” all that you deemed an absolute necessity (healthy people almost always treasure the family God has given them.  Narcs want to punish you for being smarter, more creative and especially that nasty trait of compassion for others.  Here’s the deal, Jezebel, I don’t care….nope, not anymore.  You are probably thinking, ‘if she doesn’t care, why is she writing about it?

I remember my first year of awareness, and I know how crushing it can be.  Yet I am here to tell you that you will heal, that it most certainly does get much better, and that God will not let these vipers go unpunished.  I’ve read some pretty, pretty strong verbiage in the Holy Bible about what happens to these people, and let me tell you-sooner or later He’s gonna cut them down.

Do things for you.  Rewrite your story, make it one in which you are more than a victim.  Your creativity will return in leaps and bounds.  But you must do something first:  let go and let God fill your life with joy and a renewed wonder.  Throw out the things that are no longer necessary:  guilt, shame and victimhood.

I am sitting pretty, and the view from up here is amazing.

Love to you all~