I adored this man, and here’s why: not only is he the voice of a bygone generation, but Johnny had demons, just like you and me. It is truly our choice, God gave us free will-we can either be the light, or join the bottom dwellers in their plight to destroy everything good and decent in our lives.
My sibling took everything she could from me-then took some more. She put me through hell, and in return I loved her with my heart and soul. She had her day in the limelight, sure. She had three children and achieved an Associates degree in business. She had the power in our relationship-I turned to her for everything. Up until the masked slipped-hell it fell right off of her lovely face. Little did I know that I would pay dearly-I was the bullseye for 28 years, and I am quite sure that she enjoyed her mission-that is the tragedy of Narcissism.
So, we have established what a narcissist is and does. Now it’s time to turn the tables: we have the ability to take that power back, but it comes with a price. The ransom? My sister used her children like downright puppets-she withheld them from me as a means of discipline-if I didn’t ask how high when she said jump? I was doomed to a holiday, Summer or even a reneged invitation to Thanksgiving, even Christmas.
All of that pain and heartache are in the past now, and I have learned to celebrate life again. I now know that even thinking about her or any other member of my dysfunctional family brings not only pain, but self harming and risky behavior. The lonesome dove can only be shot out of the sky so many times before she learns that it may not be such a great idea, this flying willy nilly. She learns to alight only where she is loved and appreciated, validated and accepted for exactly who she is.
I am finally at the point where I have suffered enough. I am not a martyr or masochist. I am a loving, faithful and quirky writer who loves nothing more than reaching out to encourage others: that is what I will do, until I am unable to summon the energy.
Here’s the deal: once you have “lost” all that you deemed an absolute necessity (healthy people almost always treasure the family God has given them. Narcs want to punish you for being smarter, more creative and especially that nasty trait of compassion for others. Here’s the deal, Jezebel, I don’t care….nope, not anymore. You are probably thinking, ‘if she doesn’t care, why is she writing about it?
I remember my first year of awareness, and I know how crushing it can be. Yet I am here to tell you that you will heal, that it most certainly does get much better, and that God will not let these vipers go unpunished. I’ve read some pretty, pretty strong verbiage in the Holy Bible about what happens to these people, and let me tell you-sooner or later He’s gonna cut them down.
Do things for you. Rewrite your story, make it one in which you are more than a victim. Your creativity will return in leaps and bounds. But you must do something first: let go and let God fill your life with joy and a renewed wonder. Throw out the things that are no longer necessary: guilt, shame and victimhood.
I am sitting pretty, and the view from up here is amazing.
Love to you all~