May is Mental Health Awareness month, and in that spirit I dedicate this blog to all who are stigmatized, pigeon holed, persecuted or worse-because of circumstances often beyond their control. You are my heroes: it is through extreme adversity and gut wrenching pain that you face each and every day. It is my prayer that you are choosing healthy coping mechanisms and that Jesus is your Lord and Savior. If not, I encourage you to follow my blog-not for me, but for you. I’m not in this for a huge following; I am here to be the voice of comfort, reason and truth that I believe God has called me to be-a beacon in a time of darkness.
Please understand that I have never taken credit for my writing, whether you love it or hate it, the content comes from the Holy Spirit: he speaks to me in different ways throughout the day. By evening, I am writing-my version of what I believe to be Spirit-led writing. I am what they call a sensitive-Abba has given me the gift of spiritual understanding. Only in the past three years have I been aware of this gift from above-but I can say that I have struggled through tremendous adversity (but always under His loving protection) I believe that having lived a tortured life has led me to a greater compassion and love for others. Sadly, my CPTSD makes it incredibly difficult for me to trust others with my heart and soul.
So, I don’t.
I have been texting my brother as of late. We discuss political and social issues, and today I sent him a video from Abel Danger-explaining the spiritual warfare and global reset. He has had trouble believing much of what I have written on the subject of our amazing president Trump, the Plan, or the Great Awakening.
So, my sister was one of the narcs who stopped just short of killing me. I haven’t spoken to her in years, although I do pray for her. One thing I’ve learned over and over through my many perpetrators is this: if you don’t go no contact? You are setting yourself up for greater pain, dysfunction and even severe health complications due to the constant stress of gaslighting, triangulation, projection and abject cruelty. Even a short conversation could lead to a triggering of emotional flashbacks so severe, that it takes me weeks to come back to myself.
So, my brother lives in LA. My sister lives in PA.
My husband called me in to see my niece Esme’s Instagram. I looked down to see my brother on a scooter, but the voice in the video? It haunted me. Something is wrong with that tone, the insincerity-a false sense of excitement.
“There you go, Craig, you’re doing it!” I insisted to my husband that it was my sister’s voice. He balked. He played it again and heard my brother in law’s voice at the end of the clip. I took off into the kitchen, adrenaline pumping, anxiety rising. I opened the frig door, and stared blankly into space, closed it, opened it again.
A few moments of despair, and it was over.
“Life is too damn good,” I said to myself.
Thus the end of the trauma.
Thank you, Jesus-for the head’s up. And more importantly? For walking every step of my dark and lonely journey back to peace.
Come to the Living Waters, and drink from the cup of Life.