Yeah Baby, She’s Got It…..


My brother used to call me an “idiot magnet,” which was so true for years and years.  If there was a weirdo within a ten mile radius, GADZOOKS!! I was on to him/her like white on rice.  Later, I believe my willingness to lend an ear, combined with my freaking empathy?  Well, it put me in positions some would call the twilight zone or maybe even Clockwork Orange.  I kid.  I kid.  If we could compare my life to a movie, it would be Reds with Diane Keaton and Warren Beatty.  My favorite line?

“I AM NOT YOUR CONCUBINE!!,” when Diane gives it to him good, that bad ass Warren.  It was so believable because they were having an affair at the time (I didn’t learn that until much later) and their scenes together were incredibly hot.  Not that hot, just passion, you could feel the turmoil in the air, for crying out loud.  Favorite.  Movie.  Ever.

Anyway, so I have very few boundaries when it comes to the least of these.  One time, at a Dutch festival in Schaefferstown with my sister, she came up to me in one of the tents:

“I wanted to grab you before you told her you’d take her to her doctor’s visits.”

Which had me peeing myself with laughter, because nothing is funnier than the truth, when describing your eccentricities.  I have learned a few things along the way, and I am proud to say I am not that girl any longer.  Not to say that I have a filter, or that I won’t start a conversation with anyone who makes eye contact, or get emotionally manipulated into kissing someone’s buttocks.  So this is what went down today:

Less than a year ago, I wrote a blog about my brand new Shark vacuum cleaner.  How thrilled I was and what a great price it was, yada, yada, yada.  I had the dreaded 30% off discount (look, I have a $300 balance because I hate spending money) and I was a lean, mean shopping machine.  Anyhooser, the motor blew up on Friday.  That’s right friends, my OCD was out of control, as we could have picked up a vacuum cleaner over the weekend, but my husband wanted to make sure the motor was, indeed, blown.


Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is the love of my life!  🙂

So, I go to Kohl’s for a vacuum and while in line waiting, I am watching a video by Kininigan about Reptilians (as in aliens, demons, or fallen angels,)  Shoot me, it’s interesting stuff.  So a woman comes behind me, I didn’t hear her, and she scared the life force out of me when she spoke.

“I was watching a video on Reptilians (I say to Jane Doe, the least red-pilled woman on earth) and you startled me.  I don’t know if I believe in them or not,” I offered.

“Oh honey.  I watch the Nature show on PBS.  I’ve seen pictures of them.  I believe in snakes, and you should too.”