I don’t really like to talk about this subject so much, but the Lord put it on my heart to do so. At some point I gave this all to God, and I have no intention of taking it back.
For some time now, I have been utterly alone. I have my Jesus, my husband and my dog-so I suppose you could say it was my decision, or ours, anyway. In search of an authentic life, no matter the price-I have distanced myself from almost everyone I had truly loved, aside from my good friend Jason. Anyone who ever used can tell you that that codependent relationships, especially when the child of an addict is involved. We don’t just want people to love us, we need them to-and this is where I came to a crossroads in my relationship with Abba: I had to learn to trust Him and Him only.
The past two years had taken an emotional toll on me, I admit it. I finally stuck up for myself with a family member-the results being that we have not connected in two years. She was the one I told everything to, loved since she was a brat who waked around the house with a nightgown on her head-and screamed at warp volume each and every time my brother and I entered a room. For years I was in torment over the constant back and forth, months of the silent treatment, the gaslighting and triangulation.
I was in denial, until I phoned her after being stalked in an incident at Middlecreek Wildlife Sanctuary. It happened in broad daylight, and I was shaken to my core. I called her and asked her to return my call.
She never called back. It wasn’t discussed until a year later, the results were the same-she dropped the subject. Mere months later I would have the most harrowing supernatural experience of my lifetime. I reached out, told her not to worry if she saw anything on Facebook. Told her and the fam that I was, indeed, okay.
Not. Word. One.
I am over my anger, I am over my heartache, I have forgiven.
There is no appealing to her sensibilities. She does not think she has done anything wrong. We are at an impasse. Every video and article I read tells me that no contact is the only way to go, but is it? Perhaps, but what if we went at it like this:
The person whom you feel has abused you has been abused themselves. More than anything in the world, the offenders want and need to be loved and are terrified of you not loving them. Realize that they have done the best they can, and before anyone makes a move? A few ground rules:
Assert yourself. Ensure the other player understands that you will not be bullied, emotionally manipulated or shat upon under any circumstances.
It’s not about you-it’s about their dysfunction. You are only responsible for your dysfunctionality.
Make an agreement the past will not be regurgitated like last week’s meatloaf.
Pray for them. Sincere prayer can and does work miracles. I am living proof of that.
I believe, as my husband says, that it’s six of one, a half dozen of the other.
But before any attempt at reconciliation, we both understand that in our own ways we love each other fiercely, and would be there in a heartbeat if needed.
In a perfect world