I ache within every fiber of my being for the man I married some 26 years ago-he is such a good man, you have to understand that he is always thinking of other people, his heart so pure, a heart of gold. There are so many thoughts fighting for my attention right now, a fevered frenzy of angst. He does not deserve this. And I wish I could take his pain away, but I can’t, so I am praying like crazy that he feels the love from above.
For 27 years, his parents and son have given me a hard time. They disliked me intensely from the very beginning, I took some of the attention away from them and we all know how narcissists love that! I have also been insisting, over the years, that they treat me like dirt-alas, all the way up to Christmas, Dwain was full of hope, always veering toward the idea that I was being paranoid-which happens often, but I am almost always right.
There was an incident. Dwain’s son, Bud, flipped out on me so successfully, that I almost had a vacation booked at the local psychiatric hospital. Remember the therapist who diagnosed me with DID? Well, angry over a love triangle-he acted abominably-where he wanted his original girlfriend, whom he dumped unceremoniously for her best friend-oh, and his best friend’s girl-to take him back at Christmas. She said: No. She is over the moon with her new man, and he treats her like a princess. He became sullen and removed from the conversation, reality itself. He still lived with the beatch, and he said that they were happy, but inside-he was boiling.
I won’t go into the details, but my step-son abused me mentally and emotionally. Almost physically. He yelled that I was a freak, a gold digger, a low life for being on disability-“that he had to pay for my retirement. He was screaming at me in my driveway, and I was broken, literally sobbing-because not a word of what he was saying was true, and he was pushing buttons, my wounds and vulnerabilities out there, for all to see.
My husband emailed him and jacked him up. Bud replied that there will be no forthcoming apology.
We talked to his parents. We all agreed he needed help, prayer. We asked them to talk to him, to possibly make him accountable for his actions, as weeks before we were all on the same page. I had very little faith that his parents would follow through, and I was correct. Today, my step-son stopped at his grandparents (strategically placed across the street 😦 He was there for over two hours and I told my husband, who bought a 30 pound ham for the event, to stop in with them on his way home-to feel them out.
“What did your parents have to say?,” I hit him up the minute he finally walked through the door.
They said that nothing “came up.” He walked into the living room, looking older than his years, drained and exhausted.
I pointed out the screeching betrayal, the hypocrisy. And then I shut my mouth, before I hurt him any more than he’d been. He doesn’t know I saw him arguing with his father in our garage, but I did. I saw his father stomp off in a huff.
In one year, narcissism has taken all but a handful of our families. I am close to my brother and Dwain is close to his. It breaks my heart that they broke his heart. How can people be so cruel, so selfish and vain?
“We are enough,” I whisper.
We are so much more than enough~