The Eyes of a Child

 

Today.  This day.  I feel renewal, the sun warming my face, adding to my freckles.  It’s neither hot or cold-the breeze invigorates, I feel Jesus in the air.

I haven’t been in the greatest of moods, to be perfectly honest.  When I am sick I am depressed, almost every time.  And, for reasons unbeknownst to me, was sick for three weeks before I finally picked up an antibiotic, that had been called in three weeks ago.   I’ve tried my best to meet obligations, go to class, hike every day-I am very driven, known to push myself too hard.  I also have the capacity to sit on my ass for days, binge viewing my favorites on YouTube.

So the day began by a long hike in the gorgeous weather.  My husband had taken off the top of my jeep, and was it ever glorious!  In Pennsylvania, at least in Central Pa, the Summers are both stunning and oppressive.  Ninety degrees is just around the corner, and then you can find me on aforementioned arse, hopefully getting some work done while I’m housebound.  Returning from the lake, I see my sister and mother in law in the latter’s driveway.

What fresh hell is this?!

Aha!  Caught you being all nefarious and chit.

AHA!  I have caught you in nefarious behavior.
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Here’s where I would love your opinion.  My SIL lives in the Poconos, a good two hours away.   There they were, getting into the convertible-no wave, no acknowledgement whatsoever-and believe me, I’d rather have it that way.  I feel very strongly that I was deliberately excluded, and it hurt more than I would like to admit.

But you were spared the Paris trip highlights-surely that’s something!

Point:  I have been angry, aggressive and, clearly, bitter.  These are personality traits I would prefer to leave in the past, and it takes a lot to get me there, but poke the bear, you know?  So I haven’t felt as close to Jesus because my sin was separating him from me.  I felt a compulsion to be forgiven, and come back to the fold, Irish prodigal lass, me is.

In my gardens for the duration of the day, I stopped for some unknown reason.  I looked down, and there-right there was an ethereal, golden with highlights of grey-was an angel’s feather.  It’s hard to explain how I know the real deal, but the Holy Spirit confirms me-it is rare, but oh the delight when I am gifted such a miracle!

God’s grace was finding me again.  I know it wasn’t capital murder, but being stingy with our heart, or judging others when you know damn well it’s not allowed-we are to love each other, have joyous hearts in good times and bad, and most importantly: a relationship with you.  Love him with your heart, mind, body and soul.

If you are feeling lost or anxious, alone or in need-just reach out to Jesus.  He will comfort you in ways that are exquisite, and uniquely yours alone.

Dear brothers and sisters, one final thing, fix your thoughts on what is true, what is honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.  Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. -Philippians 4:8 

 

 

 

 

To Offend You…..

I am getting my groove on, gaining speed in my endeavors, and feeling my proverbial oats.  I have an attitude of gratitude, and it ain’t going away any time soon…..I, my near and dear, have a lift in my loafers-it is well with my soul.  Not that the past two days have been perfect, they haven’t; what is changing is my ability to adapt (all Jesus here) to stressful situations and maintain life on an even keel-stopping to gaze at all that is good and lovely, feeling my heart soften-and letting a few people off of the hook.  Time heals all wounds, a wise man once said-and it comes down to this:

Do I really want all of this tension between my in laws, my step son and his girlfriend, and people who have crapped on me in general?   NO.  Is it possible that it is time to let go of the chip on my shoulder?  My brother once told me you simply can not be happy if you kick a family member to the curb, but then again, Craig hasn’t suffered from the abuse.  No, my sister was necessary-I pray with all of my heart that she finds Jesus and healing, but it is way, way too toxic for me to stick around and wait.  As far as my in-laws and step-son?  It is my increasing hope that this may, and I do say may be worked out-in God’s perfect timing.  God works so mysteriously, yet He always pulls us through-and ninety percent of the time?  We are better for the lesson, tragedy or pain.  He rewards us for walking through the pain, and not away from it.

The incident a few months back has taught the entire side of Dwain’s family, and myself, that love isn’t perfect; it’s a hot mess in heels on a good day.  Hate is not the opposite of love-animosity is.  Sometimes those we love hurt us so badly, so grievously that in our flinching we find ourselves swearing them off, banishing them to the Kingdom of Gloom and Doom, never to darken their door again.  There is no such thing as a perfect family.  I don’t care if you’re Ozzie and Harriet, you have issues-we all have bags packed full of crap that we haven’t dealt with.

If you’re lucky, or blessed I should say-you will get to keep your crappy family-for as long as they’ll have your ass~

 

 

Sink For You to Swim…..

I had a dream about my sibling last evening, and in the dream, she showed up, at my home, and Lord, I apologize, but I felt ethereal and at peace.  Why?  Obviously, I want, in my heart of hearts, to reconnect-but I know she is not for me.  Even whilst dreaming, I knew something was off, wrong, not as it should be.

Which brings me to the topic of the unseen spiritual world.  Principalities in high places, demonic possession and the Nephilim (fallen angels) This isn’t a movie, or existentialism as Jim Carrey (demon) would like us to believe.  No, this is the real deal folks, and if we are willing, God will use us to fight the battle.  He wants us to fight the war, and he can prepare us for it.  Not that you should try deliverance on your own, please don’t.  Wait for the word from Abba, before you take on Satan, or you will find yourself in a hot mess for sure.

Weeks ago, before the unholy war between the fleas and myself, I was ranting and raving at the antichrist.  A mug dropped from the top of my refrigerator, and I screamed-

“Really, a***hole, is that the best you can do?”

Apparently, it wasn’t.

What happened next would be unbelievable if I hadn’t seen it for myself.  Snakes.  Fleas, Moths.  Coming from every corner of my house: only one snake, thank GOD.  I planted moth balls, used every kind of flea repellent known to man, ripped out carpet, treated my dog, and retreated my poor Jesse Bocephus Happy Hoffmananoff.

The good Lord above has opened my eyes, at least a bit.  They say that the closer you get to Jesus, the more he will reveal.  That has been abundantly clear in my case.  Things I do not want to know are somehow becoming clearer and clearer to me.  I believe in my heart of hearts that Yeshua allowed so much pain into my life to make me strong.  Fearless is another subject entirely, and I will await His calling to a braver, stronger version of myself.

This isn’t the Truman Show, people.  These are indeed the end times.  We reap what we sow, and God will give us a chance at repentance, but let’s not waste it-Hell is real.  We are seeing this play out in world events.

He has not stopped showing his kindness to the living or the dead.

-Ruth 2:20 NIV

It’s NOT OKAY……

Fresh off the phone with my gal pal and partner in crime, Tracy.  I told her I had found what appeared to be a snake skin between my oven and refrigerator.  I glimpsed it last evening, but not having my glasses on I assumed some kind of coil had dropped from my husband’s “closet” on top of our refrigerator.  I dismissed it entirely, and headed up for bed.  I have OCD, and while my house might not be the cleanest in America, it is definitely the tidiest.  I spend my days doing laundry, picking up invisible lint on the carpet, and organizing each and every item in my home.  Everything has to be just so-if not you can bet on me sitting on the couch and staring at crooked paintings or brick-a brac-until my husband screams Just end it!  Fix it before you drive ME crazy too.

Friends, I have had a couple of days in which I actually began questioning my will to live, or at the very least my will to fight the bugs and vermin of this county-I give.  Literally.  Of course, when I found the skin, I did what I always do-sounded the red alert and ran screaming from the house towards my brother in law, who-miracle of miracles!!!!-happened to be cutting wood for my husband on his day off.

“Yep.  Probably a snake.”  (At this point, after having sized up my level of hysteria, he damn well knew it was a snake, just didn’t want me completely off my rocker)  I think of jumping on his back when we walk back inside.  No.  Did the next best thing and jumped onto the chair in the kitchen.

“What are you doing up there?,” he laughed.

I tell him, nicely-or as nice as you can be in the middle of a nervous breakdown, to get back to work.  Find this snake or else………..we were laughing, but my laugh had that tinny ring of madness-the kind you hear in horror flicks.

He rattles under the stove, under the frig, he shakes these two appliances with stunning strength, but makes no progress in detection.  Heading outside, he smiles when I tell him I’ll scream if I need him.  My scream is the stuff rural legends are made of-and not one person in my family, including my husband and in-laws (who by the way live across the street) has a history of actually acknowledging my fright.  I once ran from the house when a small mouse jumped into my refrigerator.  I was freaking out, and imagine it must have been hilarious seeing me, my long hair blown back-Medusa style, my then strong and lean legs carrying me right down to the pond, as fast as they would carry me, screams emerging from my throat every two or three seconds.  My in-laws?  They sat perfectly still, reading their evening newspaper, unmoved by my obvious terror.  My husband?  I found him drawing back his cross bow, target shooting.

“Jesus, honey.  I thought you were being chased by a terrorist.” 

Why didn’t you stop what you were doing, or, at least ask me if I am okay?????  Is it normal in this town to see women fleeing from their homes like their hair is on fire?  What the Harry?  Belafonte?  Oh the humanity.

SO, anyhooser, I awaken from my nap.  I am up and vacuuming and then I see it.   The two other feet of skin underneath my ice box. 

“Sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph!!!!!!!   Holy spiritual warfare!  Why have you forsaken me, God.  Snake I rebuke you in the name of Jesus!!!!!!!”

So now, I’m back on the chair.  Then down again.  Every step I take is like walking through a mine field.  My husband is home!  Hallelujah!!!!  Dwain will take care of this absurdity…….he will help his harried wife!

“Honey, I am not ripping the house apart for a snake that may or may not be in this house.  I am sure it’s gone by now.”

Yes.  It let itself out this morning, I’m sure.  Just like the bat we had in the house for three weeks.  And his response is even more horrifying when I realize that instant karma’s gonna get him.  And it will be at two o’clock this morning, and surely at my own expense…….when I scream Hare Kari on my way to the bathroom.