Meeting Mathias

I’ve been meaning to write this blog for three days now, and now I’ve forgotten what seemed so pressing at the time.  I know I wanted to talk you y’all about God’s grace, and how often, after a struggle or mountain to climb?  He rewards us in wondrous ways-but you have to be aware of what is going on around you.  A good way to tune in is to pray for the Holy Spirit to guide you in all of His ways.  I just plain say,

Abba, I know I’m a little slow on the uptake, so please make things clear to me.”

Actually, I used to be an incredibly oblivious person.  And I must tell you that I am becoming more observant by the day.  You know why?  Because of QAnon.  The military boards on 8 and 4 chan, Trump’s tweets and videos decoding the maestro’s genius 3D chess game is intricate.  I have learned to look at the entire picture, not just what is in front of my face.  It knocks me off of my feet to think of all that I have been missing all these years.

2e0737fb0404c550a535bd69bd96d88bc9a477bab89e027a2aa6b54f0804a2fb

After Tom Hanks threatened me for I blog I wrote about my late friend Isaac Kappy’s death?  I began all out war on the enemy.  I carry, have mace and a dog.  God blessed me with bionic hearing, and I am eerily aware of my surroundings.  I always pray before a hike or any other outdoorsy activity.  I pray the blood of Jesus wash over us and protect us.  As a matter of fact, if you are ever in a situation where you feel threatened?  Call out His name!  He will help you, this I know for certain.

See something, say something.

I mean, after everything I have learned in the last three years?

I am just coming out of a deep depression, brought on by too much research, too much isolating and a few extenuating circumstances.  One being the terminal illness my best friend is battling.  He is okay with going, even eager, or so he says.  A few weeks ago I thought we had said our goodbyes.  He had told me that his wife, a good friend for years-was not exactly my biggest fan.  In fact, he told me she wasn’t too keen on our friendship-and Scott, being a man, said this:

I don’t know what it is, but Sara and I share a special bond.

After a gut wrenching goodbye, (See Farewell My Friend, Farewell) I wept for three days straight.  My heart was so grieved!  Another best friend, Barb, had died from cancer 15 years ago-she wouldn’t let us near her-I am a nurturing person and I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I understand why Barbie did what she did, but it left a gaping, grievous wound that resurfaces now and ag”ain.  Now I wouldn’t be able to be of help to Scott, and so selfishly-I ached.

Long story short, much to my surprise, Scott phoned me yesterday.  He told me he had died, but that his son and wife had brought him back.  And then?

“Hey, can you pick me up three chicken thighs and a pound of butter?  I’m making Fettucine Alfredo tonight…”

My heart skipped a beat!  I was torn between elation and the realization that I would have to say goodbye, eventually, again.  As Dwain and I pulled into the driveway, I took notice that his wife was at home.

Honey, I don’t know if I’m going to get out of the truck.

You have to know my husband, and you had to be there-but the look on his face said:

What you talkin’ about Willis?  Where are your sensibilities?  Have you gone mad?

5984d30ffad251d710d3ca757b2c96a54db76d9eaf3329ffe06aa03b926484be

And so it was that his wife and I sat and talked, outside, privately.

We worked it out, and in a loving and authentic way-no cat claws whatsoever.

I offered to help in the kennel they own.  She shook her head, but offered this up:

“I could use your help with Scott in the mornings and evenings, if you could, I don’t know about your schedule, I…”

She couldn’t say anything else, I had my arms so tightly wound around her neck, by head burrowed in her long black hair, choking the life force out of her, I’m sure.

 

I was torn up, I can tell you that.  So thankful that God had changed things around, my attitude being one of immense gratitude.  We pulled into a car wash, waved down by kids with signs.  As Dwain moved up to the proper spot, my eyes were drawn to a small child in a wheelchair.

I approached the family with caution, bending down to touch the little boy’s hair.

“This is Mathias, and the car wash is to raise money for his sixteenth operation,” a young man informed me.

I sat down in front of him, in utter awe of his spunk.  We made quick friends, sharing blueberries and laughing out loud.  Matt was four years old, and his single mother was struggling to survive after a series of complications he suffered.

“Down Syndrome,” she nodded.  “I couldn’t help but notice how fond of you he is, thank you.”

And this is how God works-just when you’re thinking there’s no point in living?  He will blow you away by answered prayer and abundant love~

 

Just Say NO to NESARA

God has put it on my heart to inform the world about the dangers of believing this evil PSYOP.  I want it to be known that this is their plan, the Satanic undoing of our Christianity, combined with the filth and depravity of the BEAST system will be the undoing of many.  In the end?  You will be forced to take a chip, sound familiar?

The following comes from Sherry Shriner, whom many will say is a false prophet.  This information is what led to her murder.

Please pray for discernment before reading this pivotal information.  God bless each and every one of you.  #WINNING
NESARA and the Omegans – The Unveiling
By Sherry Shriner
http://www.sherryshriner.com

Believers in the Word of God have long been expecting the last days of Biblical prophecy to surface. Believers in every age have anticipated its arrival, and with each turn of a century they were sure it was going to happen, but didn’t. Is it time now? Are the last days prophesied throughout 1/3 of the Bible here?
The problem with systematic theology is that everyone gets stuck in one interpretation, one way of thinking. And so the churches aren’t prepared for curve balls. What if things don’t happen exactly as they are expecting? We know to expect certain things, but how we come to the arrival and conclusion of those things is something people aren’t aware of. They watch the daily news for signs of the times but the problem is the news is controlled and so the public isn’t getting the info they need to watch the times.
Another problem is they limit themselves to single interpretations. What if those interpretations are wrong? They would have you think that anything contrary to what they preach isn’t the truth, but the problem is what they are preaching isn’t the truth! And in many cases, simply aren’t preaching end times theology at all.
I’m not saying I have all the truth, or I’m the sole person who has it. That would be idiocy. But what I can do and will do is what the Father has led me to do and that is bring to the forefront things that could happen and how they will happen that brings us into end time events.
Last year the Lord had me put up a website at http://www.omegansareliars.com and start revealing the NESARA agenda and some of the players. I’ve also done research and Bible Codes on NESARA, Sananda and Germaine at http://www.hiddencodes.com
Why have I spent so much time on it? Because most people don’t know a thing about it, and that it’s one of the huge curve balls coming that most people are simply unprepared for. NESARA is the economic and political program of the Antichrist and False Prophet to come. We know the second beast of Revelation is going to institute and have enforced a worldwide economic program that requires every person to have a mark in or on their right hand or forehead. We don’t know if it’s literal or metaphoric mark, but either way, joining and becoming a part of this new system they will implement will bring damnation to the souls who join it.
What is NESARA? It stands for the National Economic Security and Reformation Act and promises to restore constitutional law, eliminate personal debt and bring new changes to our military, political and economic systems. Who is behind it? Aliens. The Fallen Angels. Lucifer himself. One of the main, if not the main routes he is using to conquer and gain control of the earth to implement his worldwide rulership and control prophesied of in Revelation 13.
While they blame earth’s eco changes on pollutions, corporate abuse and global warming, what they won’t tell you is that the earthquakes and upheaveal taking place today is the direct result of their presence here. We are forewarned in Matthew 24 of the earth and birth pangs, and folks, these are the birth pangs. It is the entrance of their orbs, planets, and huge moon size ships into our solar system that is causing the destruction of tsunami’s, solar flares, plate shifts, earthquakes, and volcanic eruptions on earth.
The promises of NESARA and the changes it will bring to help humanity is the foot in the door these fallen ones have been using to get mankind to welcome their presence here. New Agers have been channelling their messages for years and it was obvious then that it was a deception. After all, unless you are in the New Age movement itself everything coming out of their is assumed to be a deception by everyone else. And usually rightfully so. But the scary thing now is that these same messages channelled by new agers are now being channelled by those in the prophetic movements of churchianity and religious groups. Prophecies, visions, dreams and words all attributed to Yehovah are filling our internet forums, bookstores, pulpits, conferences, seminars, and churches. It is the beast agenda of Revelation 13 and it is gaining momentum everywhere you look.
The one in charge of implementing the agenda is a player known as sAint Germaine. He masquerades as a being who never dies and knows everything. He also has phony/fake scars in the palms of his hands for his probably to come claims that he was the one nailed on the cross some 2000 years ago. Meanwhile one of his sidekicks, Sananda plays Jesus the Messiah behind the scenes in the spiritual realm. He appears to those having near death experiences, or those who need help in channeling, psychic or cleansing circles of the new age, or in visions those in the prophetic movement claim to have had, wherever his presence is needed where he can play the role of Jesus. He is actually not a look-a-like at all, but the picture of Jesus the Catholic church adopted hundreds of years ago painted and depicted by Michaelangelo and adopted by modern day churches as “Jesus the Messiah” is exactly what this Sananda looks like.
There is also a darker, turbin wearing false messiah that has been visiting Kenya and Ethiopia as Maitreya. Healing the sick and preaching religion. Another day, another false messiah. In fact I can’t keep up with them all. But these ones are dominant and associated with this NESARA agenda so they need to be known of.
From what I have been hearing from many people the churches are strangely silent on end time events. They are not preaching that false messiahs will come before the Second Coming of Yahushua, or Jesus Christ of Nazareth. And they are still plastering Sananda’s picture in their book stores, homes, and everywhere else. If you study the middle eastern culture of the real days of Jesus of Nazareth, they did not have long brown hair and long oval shaped faces. And neither does the real Son of God. Ask Him yourself. Most people even know that those pictures are just depictions of what Jesus may have looked like, yet when this Sananda comes how many will be deceived by him anyway? Or sAint Germaine, with the fake and manipulated nail scars in his palms? Which beast will the populace fall for? Hopefully neither. But there are always the gullible. After all, they have already achieved a certain amount of success with the gullible in both Christianity and with the new agers.
The last days are shaping up to be quite differently than what the churches teach. After all, the E.U. is supposed to be leading the way for the beast system in the last days, certainly not the United States, yet the Old Testament prophets foretold it would be last days Babylon and the King of Babylon who would be the last days beast. The Bible Codes reveal America as the last days Babylon and we certainly don’t even need those to tell us that if you read the passages of Scripture with any kind of discernment. I wrote a whole article on America The Babylon at http://www.sherryshriner.com/sherry/america-babylon.htm No other nation on earth could fulfill all the requirements of the last days Babylon but the United States itself. Most churches want people to just read Revelation 17 and 18 and then manipulate it to be the Vatican or some other city. The term city is both a city and a nation and Isaiah, Jeremiah and John give us many requirements that this last days nation would fulfill. And America is the only one that fulfills every one of them.
The Omegans, a term adopted by Germaine, one of Lucifer’s followers contain Satan’s last days armies including aliens and those who support them, they support the NESARA agenda and they have threatened to implement it every year over the past five. Will it be this year? Time will tell. Let’s take a look at some of the things it encompasses.
From their own writings NESARA will entail:
A series of simultaneous announcements made by the world’s governments around the world.
A series of daytime flyovers accompanied by announcements of who they are and what they are doing. Followed by landings where they will allow a few individuals to take joy rides on the ships.
50 nations will be involved with First Contact.
Their stated goals are to Promote world peace, alter social, cultural and economic structures while the earth rebels against their presence here and practically destroys itself. Of course they refer to it as “mother earth transforming herself.”
The final step is to introduce the world to “your local spiritual hierarchy’ and re-unite you with your brethren in the Inner earth.
I don’t have any ‘brethren” in the inner earth and I certainly don’t want to be united with anything from there!
Many in the prophetic community (what is coming more and more to be the pathetic community) are looking for a peace treaty to be signed between the Jews and Arab. Will NESARA settle the mid east conflicts? In their writings they claim, “There will be an ongoing series of announcements by the Ascended Masters that will help resolve certain cultural power struggles and make possible cross cultural co-operation. Each one will step forward and explain the origins and histories of your many cultures and religions, and radical changes will take place in your religious struggles.”
In other words, after they give us their views of our history and our “real origins” armed with this new knowledge the nations will stop their conflicts.
Here’s something interesting, “It will also proclaim that we will no longer tolerate the greed and arrogance of your present cabals (governments). The announcement of ‘First Contact’ will encourage full disclosure of the now super-secret UFO government files. The area of so-called UFO studies requires a spiritual arm. This segment enables us to look beyond the technology and realize that advanced, enlightened societies are primarily spiritual in nature.” In other words, maybe they will admit their fallen angel status? That they were once angels who were kicked out of heaven? I doubt it.
Here’s more pointers on the agenda and what to watch for according to their own writings:
They have a 14 month timetable to conquer earth and implement their new economic system: “Heaven has set aside a period from mere weeks to almost 14 months to serve as a transition..”
There will be a vast fly-over of scout ships before the mass landing occurs.

“We will begin a program to allow you to visit our Mother ships” (refer to my article on “To Serve Man”).
“For a short time the Galactic Federation teams will leave their ships to instruct you regarding this technology, and explain your responsibility as Physical Angels (They also claim we are co-creator gods remembering who we are). We will begin a program to allow you to visit our Mother ships. There will be vast flyovers by scout ships, which will occur before mass landing.”

“We will release secret technologies, and even more wondrous devices, including many energy and transportation related inventions, that have been produced around your world during the past century. Your secret governments suppressed this technology, along with many other environmental innovations, out of deep-seated fear that such discoveries could result in their downfall.”
“The rise of a post-Internet environment, which we have initiated, will introduce you to new options in communication and entertainment. Simple handheld or easy to wear devices, will provide instant information, and enable you to contact freely anyone else on your world. Using small organic computers, you will become globally recognisable by your body’s true frequency. These devices inter-phase with your mind, providing a 3D holographic picture that contains data, images etc. The commercial system will be 3D full colour telepathic holography. Anyone who wishes to communicate can simply visualise a person and their computer will contact them. It will include a universal translator and a special frequency dialing system, that is closely linked to your unique physical signature. Each household will receive a device that converts light energy into matter to provide clothing and food. Remember that abundance programmes will allow you to have all the financial resources you need. Our Earth allies have consented to many agreements even more powerful than NESARA. These provisions are not to be released to the general public, until the first set of agreements has been publicly announced. Only then will the second and third waves of actions be revealed and made public law.” NESARA is just the stepping stone to conquer earth then, then they’ll roll out their real agendas called “second and third waves.”

“We will introduce you to technology will allow you to travel more freely. You will be provided with a new form of transportation, and your new personal vehicles will levitate a few feet off the ground, and. are capable of speeds up to 500 miles (800 kilometres) per hour. Aircraft as you know them will disappear and be converted to a ‘magnetic lifter’ technology, with Mach 8 capabilities, as well as providing primitive craft that resemble ours. A teleportation system will be available for long range emergency trips. We will also use this technology to build a fully automated highway system.

“An extensive training program for medical practices that are not harmful to health will be introduced. It will align your medical services more closely to ours. You will absorb an enormous amount of new information, and to help assimilation of the vast quantities of knowledge, we will provide a technology that can ‘download’ it directly into your brain’s memory and recall systems. You will develop your Science and expand your philosophies in ways yet unheard of, resulting in a glittering union of these now contradictory elements. We will introduce you to the wonders of ‘artificial intelligence’. We will supply a system of technologies that with your manifested abilities, will reverse the pollution that now fouls your air, land and water on Mother Earth, in less than six months. Our second objective will be the factories, offices, homes, power generating stations, air, water and land vehicles that spew out most of the pollution. Free-energy devices will be introduced that can be mass-produced quickly. Using our technology, we can vaporize and fully erect buildings in a matter of days, and will re-tool your manufacturing network in less than a week. Moreover, we can fully automate it. Technological gadgets will allow you to end your dependence upon manufactured materials. You will be able to construct your own dwellings and collectively plan your cities. Your rural areas will be returned to their original condition of unspoiled forests and meadows. A number of our technologies can convert living Light into food, clothes and other uses, thus ending your long dependence on agriculture and the lumber industry. Remember that technology is a tool, provided by consciousness, to create as pleasurable an environment as possible. You need to make the next grand ‘leap’ – that is, to grow from a planetary society to a galactic one. Never forget, dear Ones, that you are mutating into ‘Homo Galactica’, A more integrated version of you, this galactic human, possesses the ability to hold open, meaningful dialogue with your true self.

“Special World Centres will be created. A new financial system will be born. Our main objective remains a ‘safe and sane’ successful conclusion to our First Contact Mission. This process involves many different possibilities. The one we prefer is to be silent support for a swift and successful military, political and economic transition on your world.”
“Crucial inroads in our ability to control and force a series of major resignations in a number of powerful governments are also in place. Moreover, legal documents to begin this procedure have been signed and legally adjudicated on the highest possible levels. Governments will re-form or resign, and the UN will be re-organised, and a new international mandate of human sovereignty and freedom proclaimed.”
Government created viruses abolished “We have observed the many biological projects produced in the dark cabal’s laboratories. While we have drastically curtailed these projects since the late 1990’s, several of them, introduced during the 1970’s and ‘80s, devastated your world and became major global epidemics (AIDS). Our medical teams are monitoring them and can directly interfere only when First Contact occurs.”
“We are determined to assure our allies immediate success by making certain that all essential personnel now controlled by Earth’s last cabal (The New World Order) are quickly captured.” This means the arrest of our President and those leaders deemed “New World Order mongers.”
“With the cabal’s leaders under arrest, some major and indisputably positive world changes can be formally announced. Once peace is declared, we will supervise the rapid disengagement of all warring parties (Middle east peace between Jews and Arabs).”

“Disclosures will also make possible the public proclamation of our existence by the new provisional governments. (Which means governments are taken over first, before they arrive). Moreover, they will be able to introduce our planned ‘pre-first contact’ broadcasts. Initially, these series of transmissions will clarify our role in these events and prepare Mother Earth’s peoples for ‘First Contact’. ”
“Originating from scout ships or large Mother Ships, we will reveal through radio, T.V. and computer networks (I told you they had internet access on these UFOs), the true picture of the world’s history (in their words and pictures of course), also of conspiracies to deny you a cache of technology. Broadcasts will explain how people of the Inner Earth have looked after you. They have prepared an almost endless array of enclaves for you, Eden-like realms where you will complete your mutation into fully conscious Beings. The special places built for you are fully operational and waiting. Mass landings will be delayed until the time arrives to deliver you to your new temporary homes, in Inner Earth. Heaven has set aside a period from mere weeks to almost 14 months to serve as a transition.”

“Harmony and a level of global co-operation never seen before on your world will become the normal (because no one controls their own minds anymore). A new system will be established that will enable you to transform the operation of your world (yeah it’s called chip implantation and holographics). The Ascended Master in charge of this operation, is the Comte de Sainte Germaine. Global prosperity will have arrived and a new galactic (demonic) society will be born.”
“Masters Saint Germaine and Hilarion, as well as El Morya and many other Masters, intend to oversee the formation of your Galactic Society.”

Galactic Federation of Light = Galactic Federation of Darkness
Germaine has stated, “The Army of God has assembled. They are here in full glory in the frequencies of the Office of the Christ, under the direction and protection of Lord Michael and his electric blue Flame of Truth of the mighty sword Excalibur.” I’m sure they will just join forces with the Knights of Malta and those in the 3rd wave building and preparing “Joel’s army” now in the prophetic/pathetic movements.
Their own followers reveal that these Omegans have infiltrated every society and government in the world: “There is a special group of beings that are here (on Earth) working secretly and silently, helping us from behind the scenes, and have been for quite some time! This group originally came to Earth at about the end of the Atlantean/Egyptian period and have stepped in many times in the past in many situations along the way, to insure that this now time would take place and we would finally have our freedom restored! These beings are time travellers and mercenaries who have very special gifts and talents, who do what they do best! They have infiltrated, over time, every single organization, both civilian and military – every government and secret society across the planet!”

And it goes on, “They answer to no one except the Office of the Christ which includes all the Forces of Light, Lord Michael, the King of Swords (Germaine), Mother Sekhmet and Lord Alcyone, the Ascended Masters, and we ‘The Ground Crew’—-all who are known as Faction 3! These amazing beings have far advanced technologies and are here to get the job done. And what they leave behind is for the vultures to feast on! They are here to make sure NESARA gets announced, and freedom’s holy flame is firmly planted on Earth forevermore.”
The Omegans describe their coming takeover as a peaceful invasion. Ever heard of one? Why don’t they just cut out the editing garbage of “peace and prosperity” and say it for what they really mean as in Hostile Slavery? Here they finally show some of their true colors with this adage on being armed and ready to take over our country, one of their channellers stated, “This morning the King of Swords (Germaine) told me they are armed to the teeth and ready right now to do what must be done! He told me that ‘sudden actions’ will take place where ‘military tribunals’ will be called according to the Laws Of The Constitution and The Laws of The Solar Tribunal. All of these war criminals who have committed crimes against humanity will be rounded up instantly, brought before the tribunals where they will be tried, convicted and sentenced for their crimes immediately, on-the-spot! He told me this is how it will be done, and no other way.”
From their own writings you see a twisted maze of speaking love but prepared for hate. They talk about peace yet their armed to the teeth and fully prepared to conquer anyone who stands in their way to establish their idea of peace. Sounds like another “bringing freedom and peace to the world” speech we have heard ourselves from our own leaders. The Omegans must employ presidential speech writers.
According to their main site at http://www.nesara.us
NESARA initiates PEACE IMMEDIATELY and
1.
Provides forgiveness of credit card, mortgage, and other bank debt as remedy for bank and government frauds;
2.
Abolishes the IRS; creates flat rate non-essential “new items only” sales tax revenue for government;
3.
Initiates U.S. Treasury Bank System, which absorbs the Federal Reserve, and new precious metals backed U.S. Treasury currency;
4.
Restores Constitutional Law;
5.
Requires resignations of current administration to be replaced by Constitutionally acceptable NESARA President and Vice President Designates until new elections within 120 days;
6.
Requires the President Designate to declare “Peace” enabling international banking improvements to proceed smoothly; ends U.S. aggressive military actions immediately, and many more improvements.
It doesn’t sound bad, it fact it sounds like something we would all want. But remember, nothing is free. Not even NESARA. NESARA comes on the terms of the aliens/fallen ones who bring it, not our terms. NESARA requires membership to join as foretold in Rev. 13. Therefore much “cleansing” will be required of those with “dark” qualities. In other words, just as with the NWO freaks, the Christians, patriots and pests who refuse to join the NESARA crowd will be persecuted and killed just as the NWO would have done to them. This is no different of an agenda. This is Satan’s economic program and part of the kingdom he is going to establish on this earth. So to be a part of it, you will have to join Satan’s kingdom or starve.
It is like waving bananas in the faces of monkeys. It is tempting, but unless you understand the dark side of it you will be deceived into joining Lucifer’s kingdom.
Remember, according to the Omegans NESARA is just the first stage of their plan, we don’t even know what the second and third ones are. But we know where they lead and those who follow them:

And the third angel followed them saying with a loud voice, If any man worship the beast and his image, and receive his mark in his forehead, or in his hand, The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out without mixture into the cup of His indignation; and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb: And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever: and they have no rest day nor night, who worship the beast and his image, and whosoever receiveth the mark of his name (Rev. 14:9-11).
And the beast was taken, and with the false prophet that wrought miracles before him, with which he deceived them that had received the mark of the beast, and them that worshipped his image. These both were cast alive into a lake of fire burning with brimstone (Rev. 19:20).
And I saw thrones, and they sat upon them, and judgment was given unto them: and I saw the souls of them that were beheaded for the witness of Jesus (Yahushua), and for the word of God, and had NOT worshipped the beast, neither his image, neither had received his mark upon their foreheads or in their hands; and they lived and reigned with Christ a thousand years (Rev. 20:4).
http://www.2012.com.au/NESARA_Jenn_Lee_updatesB.html
http://www.sourceoflightportal.com
http://www.treeofthegoldenlight.com
http://www.nesara.us
http://www.white-knights911.com

Why, Oh Why Are Men So Thick?

I swear to the heavens above that my husband is going to give me a.  a migraine. 2.  possible TIA, or III. a nice comfy stay in the nearest freaking mental institution-and the worst part?  I can’t even tell you why, because I don’t want my fucking family to know.

That said-

Does your man manage to screw things up at the worst possible time in the history of men screwing things up?

Does he stare blankly, into the Abyss, when asked to emote in a way that tells you he’s human?

Does he spend hours on the phone with a friend, listening to their tales of woe and betrayal?  But banish you to the Kingdom of Not if you need a little TLC?

This has been a shitty week.  Tomorrow is my effing birthday-and like each and every other holiday/birthday/momentous occasion-that man is gonna yank my chain until I say give.

Why can’t ALL men be like Juan?

D6dfBwhXkAA8FSS

Hesed Love

There are peaks and valleys in everyone’s lives-moments when we throw our heads back in laughter and joy; and those where we have to dust ourselves off, check for permanent damage and regain a grip on reality.

We had a wonderful weekend. Our Christmas party for our church was held locally, so we finally made it this year. I imagined dimmed lights and a D.J. I was dressed in an original Bob Mackie jacket, fur boots and a gold trimmed dress that takes my breath away-sadly, whilst trying to zip me in the back, Dwain broke the zipper-so I went wearing said dress anyway, safety pinned in the back. Black velvet. Vintage clothing, and luckily I bought it for 50 cents. Imagine my shock when we walk into a room lit up like the sun itself. I am morbidly overdressed, and the track lights are making me anxious. I consider wearing sunglasses, but can’t embarrass my husband like that, and trust me-I’ve tried.

So long as we love we serve, so long as we are loved by others,
I would almost say that we are indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend. -Robert Louis Stevenson

We didn’t dance, there was no music. No disco ball.

The food was fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Corn. Warm pineapple compote.

No booze. No hard drugs.

Just us and our belove brothers and sisters in Christ. We laughed until it hurt, shed a few tears of compassion-and loved one another. I won a door prize, which shocked the shat out of me. There was no hangover the next day, no remorse, and no time to waste-we were having good friends over for dinner, I had promised spaghetti and meatballs-and we prayed before they arrived, as they are facing hardship and heartache, in their unique valley of doom. We love them so much, it hurts to see them hurt.

I broke into tears over the parmesan cheese. Somehow, the conversation had turned to the Great Awakening, politics, the hardest stuff…and after carrying the weight of the world upon my shoulders (or so it seemed) I cracked. I began blubbering about the Bush funeral. I sat with my dear friend while she watched videos, articles and memes-convinced that I would hear what I have heard from day one- Fake News!!!!

But here is the profound conclusion I came to last evening:

If another truly loves you, and respects your thought process and ability to think for yourself? Chances are that you will be heard. Heard and loved, despite your words, despite the news. She took it all in, calmed my heart, heard me out.

Psalm 136 speaks of God’s steadfast love, which endures forever. The Hebrew word for this is Hesed love. It is repeated over and over in the Old Testament, and written twenty six times in Psalm 136 alone! While no modern word can fully capture the meaning; we translate it as “loving kindness,” “mercy,” or “loyalty.”

Hesed is a loved based on covenant commitment; love that is loyal and faithful. Even when God’s people sinned, He was faithful in loving them. His love for you will remain steadfast-a reality that provides the foundation, therock on which we place our entire lives.

Oh what a foundation it is!

12657987_10204044013060082_4297828832754058829_o.jpg

Spoon Man

 

Did you know that God has an amazing sense of humor?  Well, He does-and I share that with Him; however, the joke is almost always at my expense, and today?  Well today was no different.

It’s about one hundred degrees in the shade, and muggy as hell.  I detest this weather, however, the dog needs to be walked-and I am a glutton for punishment.  Been that way since I was a wee toddler, asking questions that had no answer, (Mary Lou did not take kindly to my constant questioning of everything) packing my Barbie suitcase in defiance-I would run to the Teany’s house-hey, they had one of those pianos that plays by itself, and their home was SO cozy-usually because my real mom was locked in the linen closet.

As a child, I was convinced that Marilyn Monroe was my real mother.  When mom got cranky?  I told myself that Marilyn would come and find me one day-and then she’d pay, oh yes, my mother would pay the price for causing me discomfort.  🙂

So, I’d run to the neighbor’s house, beg for cookies, unpack my suitcase (various crayons and doll heads, no body, just heads) and revel in my independence for the entire ten minutes it took for me to be retrieved-I cried every time Mrs. Teany called mom-I wouldn’t get my cookies, and needless to say?  Mom was not the happiest camper when finding herself interrupted by her freakishly brazen daughter.  I was four, for Pete’s sake.marilyn monroe

Back to our :  I drove down to the lake, thinking it would be cooler, and parked.  The fishing guy was there, of course, as he was every morning -grumbling about the lack of bites; ornery but sweet as they come.

I haven’t been down here in awhile.  Last time I saw a snake!!!”

And indeed I had.  The rat bastard hid under a bush, just waiting for some dumbass to come along-then he’s make his move.   That’s right-and I ran like a cartoon character, as fast as my legs would carry me.  I run from twigs that look like snakes as well, and, praise GOD, people don’t usually hear my screaming-a bit like a Tourette’s patient on crack- I have a really big mouth.

12779029_10208448991722979_2138884168702420224_o

Okay…I always have to pee on our hikes.  I have no problem with modesty (who hasn’t seen a naked hiny?????) but try to plan my spot strategically, avoiding any embarrassment, for the poor fool who finds me squatting.  I came to the perfect tree that would bear my weight, and got down to business.  The only problem?

The fucking mosquitoes saw that gimongous bullseye and went for it-right in between my ass cheeks, they held a bar mitzvah and talked amongst themselves.  Only I didn’t notice until I had resumed hiking.  I tried, like hell, to itch my buttocks-but my shorts were too tight.  That didn’t stop me from repeatedly pinching the area, looking for relief from the painful itch.  I tried to move faster, but it was an entire process folks.

And then it hit me.  This is a job for….SPOON MAN.  Why those words?  I have not one clue, but I can tell you that the picture in my head of some dude dressed up as a spoon, running through the trails of Middlecreek, well, that cracked my ass up-literally.

The laughter took my mind off of the direness; the problem at hand.  I had mace in my front pocket and my phone in my back, leaving not one iota of space in my jean shorts to, well, relieve myself, if you will.

By the time we returned?  The itching had ceased.

But Spoon Man?  He tickles my funny bone, this imagined super hero.

And for that I am incredibly grateful.

 

 

So I Creep…

 

After an exhausting day, we walked into a messy home.  If there is one thing my OCD will not tolerate, it is dirt or mess of any kind.  Since I have been “retired,” my house is cleaner than it has ever been, yet all I see is dirt…crazy phenomena.

We went out into the garden, and that wasn’t happening.  Emotionally drained after a confrontation with Satan’s mistress earlier in the day, I just couldn’t do it-which upset me because it’s a beautiful day, cold and sunny.

My neighbor, let’s just call him Mr. Shithead, decided to lay out some manure (unholy, disgusting and rank) directly beside my home.  Thank you, sir, for infesting my home with what looks like the Amityville horror show.   I went a round with him a few years ago, as the law states the manure must be plowed under within 24 hours-it had been four days.  My mother in law was fighting a losing battle with hundreds of flies in her home, and she asked me to go talk to him (sure, I’m a good mafioso!!)  I was on the verge of a psychiatric facility stay myself, as my husband had, this is hard to say, had hung fly strips!!  In this entire universe, is there anything grosser than a fly strip?  I have had them stuck in my hair, (yes, as a matter of fact I did vomit) stuck to my fingers and remain fiercely opposed to their existence.  Really?

12640350_10203996102782355_6913118910220700114_o

This a horrible picture of me, and I have to say- I’m thirty pounds lighter, but it gets the job done.  No, we are in agreement, there is NOTHING grosser.

So sidetracked, I am.  Long story short, I crawled into the house a withered nub of nothing.  I did what cleaning I could (which means everything that needed to be done) and found myself impatient with EVERYTHING.  I couldn’t calm down.  It is not my time of the month.  It is not full moon.  It can only be one of two things-I am getting sick (God forbid!!!) or I am having a CPTSD flare.  During those flares, there is one and only one thing on planet earth that will help, and that is cannabis, the stronger the better, please 🙂

I did not smoke weed until a few years ago; didn’t partake in High School; munchies?  Not this anorexic, thank you very much.  I had tried it, with my younger by five years sister (yep, I took the heat when mom found like five pounds of grass in my sister’s room) and had fun, but it was by no means a habit.

When I had my motorcycle accident, my sister in law would sleep over one night a week.  We were very close, and she brought me a joint each time.  I was on so many strong opioids, but pot was the only thing that really helped.

I don’t abuse it, and it works miracles with my condition, especially anxiety.  HOWEVER, there are times when I may hit the ganga a little too hard.  Days like today?  Do you even have to ask?  So, on a mission to relax, I took a hit or ten too many.  Yada, yada, yada?  For the first time ever, I was freaked out of my mind.  Paranoid has nothing on the juju I experienced.  I can’t believe I am admitting this, but I walk by my mirror in the dining room.  I catch my reflection.  MY GOD IN HEAVEN, I AM SO PALE, HOLY SHIT, WHAT THE?  Then it hit me, what if I was dead?  What if I was going through the Mandela Affect?  What is the Mandela Affect?  I succumbed to the borderline hysteria.

An hour later?  I had convinced myself that I was living in reality, pale, yes.

But I was alive baby.  I was alive.