Hesed Love

There are peaks and valleys in everyone’s lives-moments when we throw our heads back in laughter and joy; and those where we have to dust ourselves off, check for permanent damage and regain a grip on reality.

We had a wonderful weekend. Our Christmas party for our church was held locally, so we finally made it this year. I imagined dimmed lights and a D.J. I was dressed in an original Bob Mackie jacket, fur boots and a gold trimmed dress that takes my breath away-sadly, whilst trying to zip me in the back, Dwain broke the zipper-so I went wearing said dress anyway, safety pinned in the back. Black velvet. Vintage clothing, and luckily I bought it for 50 cents. Imagine my shock when we walk into a room lit up like the sun itself. I am morbidly overdressed, and the track lights are making me anxious. I consider wearing sunglasses, but can’t embarrass my husband like that, and trust me-I’ve tried.

So long as we love we serve, so long as we are loved by others,
I would almost say that we are indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend. -Robert Louis Stevenson

We didn’t dance, there was no music. No disco ball.

The food was fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Corn. Warm pineapple compote.

No booze. No hard drugs.

Just us and our belove brothers and sisters in Christ. We laughed until it hurt, shed a few tears of compassion-and loved one another. I won a door prize, which shocked the shat out of me. There was no hangover the next day, no remorse, and no time to waste-we were having good friends over for dinner, I had promised spaghetti and meatballs-and we prayed before they arrived, as they are facing hardship and heartache, in their unique valley of doom. We love them so much, it hurts to see them hurt.

I broke into tears over the parmesan cheese. Somehow, the conversation had turned to the Great Awakening, politics, the hardest stuff…and after carrying the weight of the world upon my shoulders (or so it seemed) I cracked. I began blubbering about the Bush funeral. I sat with my dear friend while she watched videos, articles and memes-convinced that I would hear what I have heard from day one- Fake News!!!!

But here is the profound conclusion I came to last evening:

If another truly loves you, and respects your thought process and ability to think for yourself? Chances are that you will be heard. Heard and loved, despite your words, despite the news. She took it all in, calmed my heart, heard me out.

Psalm 136 speaks of God’s steadfast love, which endures forever. The Hebrew word for this is Hesed love. It is repeated over and over in the Old Testament, and written twenty six times in Psalm 136 alone! While no modern word can fully capture the meaning; we translate it as “loving kindness,” “mercy,” or “loyalty.”

Hesed is a loved based on covenant commitment; love that is loyal and faithful. Even when God’s people sinned, He was faithful in loving them. His love for you will remain steadfast-a reality that provides the foundation, therock on which we place our entire lives.

Oh what a foundation it is!

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Blood on Your Lies

I was, okay-okay-you guessed it-on a hike with the golden today, and we came to my favorite part of the trail, the bridge above the bubbling creek, where pup likes to grab a drink and mom watches the movement of the water. I love to make the analogy with the area of water that remains stagnant, as opposed to the water that flows with life and vigor right beside it. I have made the association with Jesus and the Living Waters-always moving, always strong, filled with purpose and direction; as opposed to the murky stillness, going nowhere, fighting nothing.

12633721_10204014140313282_2575717067732030192_o

While I don’t like to bring politics into the blogging arena, there is a time for every season, and for me? This is the season to stand up, speak out, and fight, fight, fight. Whether Democrat or Republican, Independent or Freedom Fighter/Patriot-it’s not important, nor relevant at this stage of the game. You’ve heard about the “memo,” but have you felt the plight of millions upon millions of people who have been hoodwinked, hogtied, and just plain tread upon? The statistics are bleak, so I won’t go there. But what lies beneath the memo? What are the real atrocities that have gone unnoticed because the powers that be want you sleeping, otherwise entertained and silent.

Our country and its people are waking up to the notion that Big Brother has been the enemy all along. The Elite, Illuminati, Deep State: whatever name you give them, they have deceived, destroyed and dehumanized us for long enough. Not only have we been lied to, but the plight of the children who become pawns in the game of pedophilia, human trafficking and torture. The Rockefellers and Rothschilds of this nation run the show, and the stock market proves my point. The music industry, Hellyweird, even late night talk show hosts: most of them under the mass hypnotism of MK Ultra, a fate they sadly brought upon themselves for selling their souls to the enemy.

It’s time. It is time we join the Great Awakening, as human beings who have suffered long enough at the hands of sinister energy. No time to be frightened, God has this, but we can no longer ignore the war between good and evil-I am good and angry. I roar like a lion at the seeds of treason and murder, shaking my head at the criminally insane.

They have been pulling our strings for years and years. Don’t listen to the MSM (Main Stream Media)as they want you to think you have already lost; that the world is a dark and treacherous place-thinkglobal warming, the Obama administration, or HRC and the minions who have died at her hands.

The time is here and the time is now.

FIGHT with all you have, and let no man quiet your voice.

Let’s take our country back, one broken piece at a time.

Believe

I had a totally different topic for today, but that was before, hours before he came to pick up the things he has acquired over 32 years.  His tree stand.  And everything else.  His father, in a desperate attempt at tough love, and after he refused to apologize for his vicious attack on my character and mental health, told him to pick up his things.

“We’re done.”

My heart broke into a zillion pieces that day, a week ago.  If you could cry blood, I would have.  Today was unexpected, and very final.  I feel as if the illusion of family is just a pipe dream-and I must repeatedly remind myself that this is not my lesson, not my story, not my circus, nor monkeys.

I was upstairs, cleaning and sorting laundry.  I knew Bud was down with his grandparents, which made me nervous enough…..later, Jesse barked outside, and I opened the door to see him walk right past the dog he had loved for 5 years-the dog he and his father picked out as a puppy.

I didn’t expect this to feel like an appendectomy without anesthesia, as if the powers that be were ripping my heart to shreds, then stomping on it.  I wailed so loudly in the shower, that my golden retriever began an eerie, soul-shattering moan that snapped me out of my grief.

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.  None of this was ever supposed to happen.

Narcissists ruin families.

And oh what I would do to turn back the sands of time-or perhaps a lobotomy, so the heart stopping memories don’t kill me dead.  I can’t tell my husband, he is at work and I have learned through this entire nightmare that Dwain is what matters.  Aside from his divorce and everything we went through, this is my husband’s first tragedy in his life.  I am as ferocious as the mama bear, tending to her kin.  I will not let evil touch this man, this kind hearted country boy of mine.

And as I threw myself on my knees, I railed:  Father forgive him, he knows not what he does.

This is the cross Dwain will have to carry.

I have to tell him.  And then we  can bleed together.

Blood on Your Lies

I was, okay-okay-you guessed it-on a hike with the golden today, and we came to my favorite part of the trail, the bridge above the bubbling creek, where pup likes to grab a drink and mom watches the movement of the water. I love to make the analogy with the area of water that remains stagnant, as opposed to the water that flows with life and vigor right beside it. I have made the association with Jesus and the Living Waters-always moving, always strong, filled with purpose and direction; as opposed to the murky stillness, going nowhere, fighting nothing.

12633721_10204014140313282_2575717067732030192_o

While I don’t like to bring politics into the blogging arena, there is a time for every season, and for me? This is the season to stand up, speak out, and fight, fight, fight. Whether Democrat or Republican, Independent or Freedom Fighter/Patriot-it’s not important, nor relevant at this stage of the game. You’ve heard about the “memo,” but have you felt the plight of millions upon millions of people who have been hoodwinked, hogtied, and just plain tread upon? The statistics are bleak, so I won’t go there. But what lies beneath the memo? What are the real atrocities that have gone unnoticed because the powers that be want you sleeping, otherwise entertained and silent.

Our country and its people are waking up to the notion that Big Brother has been the enemy all along. The Elite, Illuminati, Deep State: whatever name you give them, they have deceived, destroyed and dehumanized us for long enough. Not only have we been lied to, but the plight of the children who become pawns in the game of pedophilia, human trafficking and torture. The Rockefellers and Rothschilds of this nation run the show, and the stock market proves my point. The music industry, Hellyweird, even late night talk show hosts: most of them under the mass hypnotism of MK Ultra, a fate they sadly brought upon themselves for selling their souls to the enemy.

It’s time. It is time we join the Great Awakening, as human beings who have suffered long enough at the hands of sinister energy. No time to be frightened, God has this, but we can no longer ignore the war between good and evil-I am good and angry. I roar like a lion at the seeds of treason and murder, shaking my head at the criminally insane.

They have been pulling our strings for years and years. Don’t listen to the MSM (Main Stream Media)as they want you to think you have already lost; that the world is a dark and treacherous place-thinkglobal warming, the Obama administration, or HRC and the minions who have died at her hands.

The time is here and the time is now.

FIGHT with all you have, and let no man quiet your voice.

Let’s take our country back, one broken piece at a time.

I Put A Spell On You….

I began smoking in my early twenties, after my man walked into a local watering hole with a fiancée I didn’t know he had.  My girlfriend Suzie didn’t want to give me a cigarette, didn’t want me addicted, and in retrospect?  Lord I wished I had listened to her.

I had always been repulsed by the habit.  My parents smoked, and I remember picking up the ashtrays that stood in my way of cooking, cleaning or breathing-with a napkin in my hand, disgust in my heart.  I found out my neighbor turned my eleven year old sister onto cigarettes while in High School-and I promptly paid her a visit that she wouldn’t soon forget.  I remember picking Deanna up by the back of her shirt, and threatening to open a fresh can of WOOP ASS if she were to do it again.  I was a runner, and a good one at that.  Little did I know that evening would begin a thirty-four year habit……..and nothing I tried lasted longer than a month.  I finally gave up giving up, and made an irritable peace with the two to four cigs I smoked each morning with my first cup of joe.

Yesterday, I was overcome by the notion that this was the day of reckoning.  The idea of giving them up was so unsettling?  Why, I lit one up immediately to quiet my nerves.  I prayed that God would make me sick at the thought of it, and as surely as the sun rises every morning, he answered that prayer without hesitation.

I gagged, I dry heaved, I put the half-smoked butt in the litter box and cried.  I wept crocodile tears of fear and release…..I was terrified to let this crutch go.  And this morning?  Free.  My fears diminished, I sat on the couch with my golden retriever and began my day…..without the cloud of infirmity that has plagued me forever and a day.

Are You Gonna Go His Way?

My Lord in heaven this man is beautiful.  Remember the first time you heard of him?  As Lisa Bonet’s heroin addicted, bad ass boyfriend?  Then husband?  He was “discovered” by Tom Petty, and I bet good money Lisa went through some heavy duty self reflection after she left him.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I won’t go into the heartbreaking details, but trust me, Lenny is a victim of the machine, and he has been cloned, chipped and is living in a bunker, underground-he sold his soul to the enemy, and now he doesn’t want to die.  THIS ACCORDING TO A VLOG I WISH I HADN’T WASTED MY TIME ON, OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD IS NOTHING SACRED?

Each and every one of us was given the gift of choice.  God doesn’t want to push himself upon us, so he allows us a fork in the road-usually after crushing brokenness, unbearable pain, and absolute defeat-that is when His children are ready, willing and able to see that they cannot, no way, no how go it alone.

We were NOT put on this earth to judge and ridicule.  Some false prophets will tell you they judge for the sake of righteousness, but please don’t be fooled!  The enemy is a slithery snake and these are the days in which we must take a stand.  Forgiveness.  Love.  Peacemaking.  Jesus is NOT an ascended master, a hallucination or a Jim Carrey meme.  He is our Lord and Savior, and he is taking his children home……..choose this day whom you will serve.  And if you get it right?  There will come a peace that surpasses all understanding.

Sink For You to Swim…..

I had a dream about my sibling last evening, and in the dream, she showed up, at my home, and Lord, I apologize, but I felt ethereal and at peace.  Why?  Obviously, I want, in my heart of hearts, to reconnect-but I know she is not for me.  Even whilst dreaming, I knew something was off, wrong, not as it should be.

Which brings me to the topic of the unseen spiritual world.  Principalities in high places, demonic possession and the Nephilim (fallen angels) This isn’t a movie, or existentialism as Jim Carrey (demon) would like us to believe.  No, this is the real deal folks, and if we are willing, God will use us to fight the battle.  He wants us to fight the war, and he can prepare us for it.  Not that you should try deliverance on your own, please don’t.  Wait for the word from Abba, before you take on Satan, or you will find yourself in a hot mess for sure.

Weeks ago, before the unholy war between the fleas and myself, I was ranting and raving at the antichrist.  A mug dropped from the top of my refrigerator, and I screamed-

“Really, a***hole, is that the best you can do?”

Apparently, it wasn’t.

What happened next would be unbelievable if I hadn’t seen it for myself.  Snakes.  Fleas, Moths.  Coming from every corner of my house: only one snake, thank GOD.  I planted moth balls, used every kind of flea repellent known to man, ripped out carpet, treated my dog, and retreated my poor Jesse Bocephus Happy Hoffmananoff.

The good Lord above has opened my eyes, at least a bit.  They say that the closer you get to Jesus, the more he will reveal.  That has been abundantly clear in my case.  Things I do not want to know are somehow becoming clearer and clearer to me.  I believe in my heart of hearts that Yeshua allowed so much pain into my life to make me strong.  Fearless is another subject entirely, and I will await His calling to a braver, stronger version of myself.

This isn’t the Truman Show, people.  These are indeed the end times.  We reap what we sow, and God will give us a chance at repentance, but let’s not waste it-Hell is real.  We are seeing this play out in world events.

He has not stopped showing his kindness to the living or the dead.

-Ruth 2:20 NIV