Rally Round the Family…

Life goes along at warp speed until something stops you dead in your tracks: As was the case Sunday morning, after a full weekend of loving and socializing, the enemy came to take his due-you don’t think he isn’t out there trying to devour everything good in your life? Au contraire, mon amies! But here’s the good news-call out to Jesus, and you are free. He can’t hurt you if you are covered in the full armor of God.

But what about those times when evil does strike? Well, Abba will protect you in ways you couldn’t imagine, and that’s why I’m alive and writing this blog-my Lord and Savior sent His angels, and they protected me from a massive head injury and internal bleeding.

Just out of Dwain’s truck, exhausted from a weekend of frivolity, I could barely pick up my feet. I had promised my husband that I would pick up the myriad of dog toys that lay around our yard, at the whim of my golden retriever, who thinks he has to entertain the grasshoppers and blue jays with his cacophony of babies. It’s so sweet, until it isn’t.

I had my purse in one hand, my drink in the other, AND I was carrying six, that’s SIX dog toys to boot. We have concrete stairs, no railing, and the stairs are ridiculously dangerous. It did not escape my mind, while sitting in the ER, that I had traipsed up and down said steps while drunk, high on cocaine, and worse. Never once even tripped. But yesterday was different. My boots caught on Jesse’s blue elephant, and down I went. I had no hands to put out, and I landed on my noggin.

I immediately called for Dwain, who could hear me, but couldn’t find me. Pain so severe I thought I would vomit, I remained perfectly still until my husband arrived on the scene. I am an EMT, and a CNA-I have volunteered in the Emergency Room, with hospice and prison ministries-I have seen it all and maintained my composure. This is the precise reason I am prone to freaking out when I get hurt-I simply know too much.

Head injury? I was out of my mind hysterical. It didn’t help when my husband picked up my head and his eyes bulged out of his-

“My GOD, is it THAT bad?,” I wail. He didn’t answer, he was too busy putting my ample white behind in his truck, grabbing ice and driving like a bat out of hell, towards the ER I had recently walked out of-after calling out the employees no less. As I walked in, I immediately placed my eyes on Dawn, who calmed me as she directed me towards the door. I knew where to go all right. I just didn’t know if they would help me, or hurt me. They had so much power at that moment.

A friend of mine, Katie, was the charge nurse, praise God. She gave me a hug and an ice pack, told me the doctor would soon be in. As Dwain sat on the bed, this came over the PA System:

ATTENTION: SEPSIS ALERT IN THE ER. SEPSIS ALERT IN THE ER.

“Fabulous,” I murmured. And then it hit me, we were the only people there, aside from an 83 year old man with a dizzy spell. What the Harry???? They were talking about me for crying out loud! I couldn’t figure this out as the knot on my head was the size of a peach, but the wound wasn’t bad, it bled very little.

Dr. Ammons didn’t waste any time checking me over. I was told it would hurt like hell for a few days, but that I was extremely fortunate as if I had hit one inch below, I could have had serious eye trauma. If my cranium had hit a few inches lower? I could have knocked out my front teeth. But I knew about head trauma, and I was frightened. I kept what I knew to myself, forgetting that my man is a first responder.

And so it was, that I woke this morning with a shiner the size of Texas, and a headache to beat the band.

And because of His love? I’ll be strutting my stuff, sooner than you can say the words accident prone.

Into His Arms…

I have to start out by telling you I have consumed my happy juice and am a bit crosseyed at this time.  But praise Jesus, for he has given us every herb, plant and fruit bearing tree so that we will live healthy, peaceful lives.  Medicinal.  Used for my CPTSD, it can take me from despair to joy, and that my friends is worth its weight in gold.

I’ve been thinking about what is happening in this world, and obviously, it all but freaks me out.  After watching a video I shouldn’t have, I was overwhelmed-feeling as if the entire three ring circus was on my back.  First sad.  Then frantic.  Then Jesus.

I tell him, Jesus! I am clinging to your robes today, I need you badly!

These are the times when I run, full throttle, all engines on to God.  I picture myself running in to his amazing hug, and hear him say There, there child.

I can’t do this Jesus.

I know too much, why do I know so much and when did you make the decision to take a scaredy cat like this girl, and lead her in the direction of Doom.  Real news.  Investigative reporting.  I have felt the Holy Spirit driving me in this direction, and some days?  Down with the ship I go.

He never pushes, never demands.

I come to the realization that He alone is my Lord and Savior.  He will not leave me nor forsake me.  He is in control.  

I take a long hot shower.  I plug in my tiny white lights strategically placed all over my home, to give comfort.  Put some cinnamon on the stove.  And then He takes me back to who I was before I got clean.  I am profoundly grateful.

I fall into His arms.

Finding Nemos

 

This is the story I have been telling you about, and it’s a good one!  It may take me days to write this, and I’m okay with that.  Let’s just say, when you commit yourself to God and the truth-it’s a wild, wild ride.

I am truly enjoying this Sunday:  we made it to church, which always cheers me up in the dead of Winter, early Spring.  This time of year finds me cocooning, nesting deep within my she shed, only leaving for emergencies-such as hiking, or food.  Oh, and shed hunting.  🙂  Speaking of sheds, we went out for a hunt today,  my man, myself and my boy-Jesse Bocephus Happy Hoffmananoff.  The.  Best.  Dog.  Ever.  At least in this realm.  We find the mother of all antler sheds after an hour of determination and prayer.  Yes, I asked Jesus for a shed: as always, he answered-and in a not so insignificant way.  I hid the monster behind my back, and the look on Dwain’s face when I pulled it out?  Worth every sweaty movement.

Just moments ago, I receive a message from a dear friend, and one I have only known for less than a week.  I do not know his name, only his Twitter handle-and I trust him more than I probably should, but Jesus gave me eyes to see and ears to listen this week.  The tale I have to tell is as gut wrenching as it is nauseating.   In a time when it is virtually impossible to trust anyone?  After finding that our government lied to us about the moon walk, the wars, history itself and 9/11?  After one third of American women (and men) wear pink vagina hats (that’s FINE) but a red MAGA hat will get you thrown out of school, if not in jail!  If that wasn’t enough, we have the PAYtriots we took a chance on trusting the most?  Well, I am here to tell you that there is a very special place in hell for these monsters.  Some are just in it for money, but some are [THEM] and I cannot begin to scratch the surface, to muster a way to tell you how outraged I am at this very moment.

What was the message, you ask?  From your new friend?  I am not even sure if I should say her name, so I will not.  She is pretty much the official spokesperson for Satanic Ritual Abuse and SAVING THE CHILDREN.  Cute little bitch of a blonde, had a surfing accident recently in which she lost part of a finger.  If this is true (and my friend is UP there with #POTUS and #JFK, JR, so I do trust him) she is one of the most reprehensible human beings on earth (if she is, indeed, human.)

The week began with the announcement of the number one best seller on Amazon!  Q-The Great Awakening, written by Dustin Nemos (an “authority” on Q) and a few other authors ( McAllister TV, Praying Medic, Jordan Sather, Joe M, Sara WestallI watched Dustin’s video on the subject, saying that the people who were upset with him for selling out-were “angry, shill buttholes.”  He went on to say that not only did he have General Flynn’s permission to gather these twelve authors, but that there was a chapter written by Flynn himself!

He didn’t and no, Flynn most certainly did not write a word of that book.

The whole thing didn’t sit well with me, and after two days of praying I dug deeper.  I found that Dustin Nemos was really Dustin Craig Krieger.  A wealthy investor (we were led to believe he was destitute) who had a list of felonies, including trafficking heroin and selling “opium candles to six year olds.”  I found an article and sent it to one of the people on Twitter I knew I could count on, and the result was a spiritual and human connection.

@Morpheus, may you be blessed with all of the goodness that God has to offer.  

 

What makes these people despicable is pretty obvious.  They pretended to be concerned and vocal MAGAs who were going after the evil, the treasonous, the corrupt.  We felt safe and of course, many of us trusted them.  Have we as a nation not suffered enough?  How putrid these people are-the love of money, the very evil we are fighting against.

This is the video my friend sent me two days ago.  We have a choice:  choose to fix our eyes on the glorious good God has given this world; the bravest man in the world, accompanied by the best president in history, is going to avenge his father’s death.  Or give in to the disillusion, and allow these pukes to get away with it.

I stand with God.

I stand with Donald J. Trump.

I stand with John F. Kennedy, Jr.

This is the battle of good against evil, written in the book of Revelations.

We will have our books and movies, written by the heroes who lived this amazing and bewildering time of tribulation.

In the meantime, we need to know that this is not our burden to carry, it is His.  Ask Jesus to guide you in all your ways.  Put on the full armor of a God who sacrificed His one and only son to pay for your sins.  Rejoice.  Redeem.  Renew.

And don’t you ever give up!  FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

 

 

Love Is Wild……

What is love, really? And how do you know if you’re on the right track, if you are loving someone enough, or …in a way that tells them they are loved?

Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love does not anger,
nor does it boast.

This is what we find in our bibles, and make no mistake-God meant what he said, but how many of us can rise to that place? For me? Love is compassion. Love is validation. Love may take it up a notch or two-as lovers are passionate, and the frenzy can make us crazy. My husband and I still rant and rave, but at the end of the day? Love, somehow prevails. I remember not so long ago the days of begging him to love me, and now the tables have turned-love doesn’t hold anything over your head, and if you wax and wane poetic, but have no understanding or compassion, what does it amount to? Dust. Dust in the wind.

True love allows the other person breathing space. It listens, nods its’ head in sorrow, puts you in the shoes of the lovee.

Don’t you speak over my words. My reality is hard won, and I won’t trade my newfound jewels for stones-not today, not ever~

I Don’t Really Got It Like That……

For as long as I can remember? I have struggled with making money. While among those in the work force, I never made more than $250 a week. My Income Tax Return was almost always $250. Early on I surmised that God did not think it necessary for me to be a CEO, stock market analyst or-heaven forbid-a successful comedian. He knew that I was so grateful for the basics-food, a roof over my head, a loving husband and loyal dog. That’s pretty much it. Anything I made went to groceries, and when I had a chunk of moolah saved? It always went to something necessary-like buying my man a vehicle to get from here to there. They were always used Chevy pick-ups, and we held our breath each year at inspection time.

No, I have never been a material girl. From a very young age I fought hard to exist, so caught up in the struggle to survive-little things have always, always meant the world to me…and it is true to this very day. God provides for our needs, no matter how simple or complicated they are. I thought I needed my family to be happy, and realizing that the need for Jesus trumps the need to be loved? Life affirming.

Now the tears start rolling. I spent my first Christmas without any interaction (with the exception of my brother) with family. I actually went shopping for my nieces, to Kohl’s. It was there that I cried in the dressing room as I realized they were no longer mine to buy for-it hit me hard, the isolation.

So, for now, in this moment? I will cherish what I do have. My self esteem. My sense of humor. My handsome husband and a dog so loyal it hurts my heart to imagine a life without him. These days my husband drives a brand new Chevy truck, and we don’t worry about the bills or groceries because our income is sufficient. It’s time to start paying it forward.

I will treasure the memories of harder times, as it was then that the miracle of His amazing grace was ever present~

Life During Wartime

 

This ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco, this ain’t no fooling around..

I saw a video this morning that kind of, sort of, somewhat saved my sanity.  Her name is Polly, and I had subscribed to her two years ago, while up in the mountain cabin we call our second home.  We don’t own the cabin, but our friends are generous enough to allow us free reign, and for that we are incredibly thankful.  Here’s the thang:  I didn’t remember following her, and I saw her in a new light as she was doing vids on The Great Awakening.

 

What is the Great Awakening?

Many people mistake this movement as a blatant political statement geared towards wiping the planet of liberals:  I caution you not to fall for that, as this movement does not discriminate exclude anyone, of any denomination or political affiliation.  Quite simply?  We have been lied to, manipulated, and poisoned-literally-by the people we were taught to trust.  Once you go down the Rabbit Hole, so to speak, you cannot unlearn what you are faced with-and afterwards?  After you are AWAKE (I believe God chooses when and if we are to awaken, and frankly?  It has been an ongoing process: it begins where Elizabeth Kubler-Ross left off-you will grieve, you will deny, you will bargain and in the end?  It is up to you to decide what your heart and soul are telling you.

Discernment.

Patriotism.

Faith.

A purpose driven quest to get to the truth, no matter the cost.

In my case, as in Polly’s, I lost my family.  Everything I thought I knew fell away.  At first, I was screaming the facts at anyone who would listen.  I made mistakes.  I wept daily.  And to this day I am alone in my fight, to be a seeker of the God’s honest truth.

I don’t try to red pill anyone any longer.  You can use this information in any manner you choose.  I don’t write on it very often as I am still working on a way to begin a blog under an assumed name-my life is no longer my narcissist’s business, but she is loathe to understand this concept-and reads my writings daily.

I pray we can all come together, as a nation, as a people, as God’s children.  For only then will this bitter war of words and flesh end; for the good of all nations under our mighty Savior.

Say brave things-you have a roaring Lion inside of you, and he is begging to be heard.

 

Sooner or Later…

 

I adored this man, and here’s why:  not only is he the voice of a bygone generation, but Johnny had demons, just like you and me.  It is truly our choice, God gave us free will-we can either be the light, or join the bottom dwellers in their plight to destroy everything good and decent in our lives.

My sibling took everything she could from me-then took some more.  She put me through hell, and in return I loved her with my heart and soul.  She had her day in the limelight, sure.  She had three children and achieved an Associates degree in business.  She had the power in our relationship-I turned to her for everything.  Up until the masked slipped-hell it fell right off of her lovely face.  Little did I know that I would pay dearly-I was the bullseye for 28 years, and I am quite sure that she enjoyed her mission-that is the tragedy of Narcissism.

So, we have established what a narcissist is and does.  Now it’s time to turn the tables: we have the ability to take that power back, but it comes with a price.  The ransom?  My sister used her children like downright puppets-she withheld them from me as a means of discipline-if I didn’t ask how high when she said jump?  I was doomed to a holiday, Summer or even a reneged invitation to Thanksgiving, even Christmas.

All of that pain and heartache are in the past now, and I have learned to celebrate life again.  I now know that even thinking about her or any other member of my dysfunctional family brings not only pain, but self harming and risky behavior.  The lonesome dove can only be shot out of the sky so many times before she learns that it may not be such a great idea, this flying willy nilly.  She learns to alight only where she is loved and appreciated, validated and accepted  for exactly who she is.

I am finally at the point where I have suffered enough.   I am not a martyr or masochist.  I am a loving, faithful and quirky writer who loves nothing more than reaching out to encourage others:   that is what I will do, until I am unable to summon the energy.

Here’s the deal:  once you have “lost” all that you deemed an absolute necessity (healthy people almost always treasure the family God has given them.  Narcs want to punish you for being smarter, more creative and especially that nasty trait of compassion for others.  Here’s the deal, Jezebel, I don’t care….nope, not anymore.  You are probably thinking, ‘if she doesn’t care, why is she writing about it?

I remember my first year of awareness, and I know how crushing it can be.  Yet I am here to tell you that you will heal, that it most certainly does get much better, and that God will not let these vipers go unpunished.  I’ve read some pretty, pretty strong verbiage in the Holy Bible about what happens to these people, and let me tell you-sooner or later He’s gonna cut them down.

Do things for you.  Rewrite your story, make it one in which you are more than a victim.  Your creativity will return in leaps and bounds.  But you must do something first:  let go and let God fill your life with joy and a renewed wonder.  Throw out the things that are no longer necessary:  guilt, shame and victimhood.

I am sitting pretty, and the view from up here is amazing.

Love to you all~